Two years and 27 days. That is 25 months, 175 weeks, 757 days, 45,000 minutes and 75,000 seconds. I loved you for that long. Every single second of those 2 years, I loved deeply and unconditionally. You swore up and down every single day that you loved me more. You told me every chance you got that there was no way I loved you more than you loved me. Now as I sit alone, ripping up every picture of us, I hear the words “No, princess, I love you more.” And I laugh.
That was only one of the things you lied about. I should have known because you were never 100% truthful with me, but I loved you regardless. You cheated on me, but apologized and passed it off as being drunk... And I forgave you because I loved you more. You would threaten to leave and I would tell you I would be hurt but I would understand because I loved you more.
You always promised me forever was our future. You wanted me to be your wife, you had big plans. I remember that, as I laid on your chest in the backseat of my car as you played with my hair, talking about our future and all the things we would do. You talked about our children, and how they looked like me, and you would fall in love only once more, with our daughter the day she’d be born.
I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up, we were young kids, but I thought if I loved harder, if you loved deeper, we could make it. Everyone we knew said that we were the exceptions to failed high school relationships because we faced so much... And conquered it all. Everyone had hope for us because we loved each other with no conditions. I guess that isn’t what is meant for me.
Every night as you would tell me goodnight, you’d promise to me that you’d love me until you died. You said you'd never forget your first love, and you were right. But I guess I wasn’t that for you. Because now I am here alone, barely making it 24 hours without crying. You get to be happy and I have to face each day wondering if I will make it through. Is it obvious yet, that I loved you more?
All the promises you made, you broke. You became the one person you never wanted to be, and you lost all that every mattered to you and for what? You lied to my face every time you said you loved me and that isn’t fair. What even was the gain? I guess I will never know. But it is painfully clear that each time I playfully responded, “No Baby girl, I love YOU more.” I was right… Because the girl I fell in love with would never let me go a day without knowing I was loved. And now, I go through boxes of letters, sweatshirts, and promise rings as I choke back my tears because I promised you I wouldn’t let anything ever bring me back to the place you found me. And even though you don’t deserve one ounce of credit for making me promise that, I, unlike you, keep my promises.
Even though you hurt me, I still want you to be happy. I want you to succeed in your dreams and to never say you regretted anything. So, make your dreams a reality, reach for the stars, and never let them go… Always remember…
I love you more...
