Love is perhaps one of the most misunderstood, misused, and misinterpreted words out there, not just because of the complexity of its power, but also because a lot of people don't seem to understand that there isn't just one kind of love, but rather numerous ways to express and feel it. Someone asked me recently if I loved my boyfriend just as much as I loved my parents, and if that love wasn't the same then I needed to check my priorities. The thing about that statement, though, is that the person failed to consider how the love I have for my family and my significant other cannot be measured in the same way, but more importantly, it's not at all the same kind of love, so the latter argument on its own invalidates the entire premise of the statement.
Love, as we all should know, comes in various shapes, sizes and colors, but the idea that love strictly follows an "outline" or can only exist in a certain way, is totally wrong, and for a number of reasons. But most of all, people very seldom consider self-love as one of the most important kinds of love, but without love for the person who looks back at you in the mirror can damage your ability to love others.
At the end of every episode of RuPaul's Drag Race, notorious Drag Queen extraordinaire RuPaul always reminds her ensemble of queens that, "If you can't love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love someone else?" Beyoncé constantly reiterates to her fans and admirers how important it is to be your own person and to do whatever you want as long as you're growing (and not harming anyone along the way). Frida Kahlo was an incredible woman, feminist and artist who, despite her physical disabilities, never ceased to love herself and has inspired countless people around the world to empower themselves through art regardless of what the adversities may be. Alike most of the people who shaped my transition into understanding myself better and knowing more about the person I interacted with on a 24/7 basis, I progressed very gradually and until today I know I still have a long way to go in terms of self-acceptance, but I know to remind myself everyday of the strong person I have become and how much I can still accomplish.
For as long as I can remember, my teenage years were spent constantly battling with my weight and trying to understand where to draw the line between losing weight for health concerns and doing it for aesthetic purposes. I shifted from one end of the spectrum to the complete opposite in a matter of years, a sort of 180 degree fluctuation between being a fat kid to wearing a size 00. Regardless of the implications of what drew me to gain weight and then lose it, what messed with my head were all the reasons why I felt like I needed to lose weight in the first place. I knew I had to fit into a certain "mold" of perfection but I never understood why, which is why I overdid it after I had reached my ideal weight but kept eating less and less and exercising more than I was intaking.
I know that a huge part of my self-love issues stemmed from my physical appearance and my culture's fascination with the idea of a "perfect body," and even though that is the case for many people out there, I know there are still other ways in which you can feel invalidated as a person. However, regardless of where your issues come from, it is important to remember that they don't define you. Your flaws, whatever they may be, should only be determined by the person who knows you better than anyone else - yourself. It was only until I got to college when I realized how I didn't have to appease anyone but myself, especially since I was pretty much on my own. I didn't feel the need to do something that wouldn't contribute to a positive state of mind. After years of being bullied in high school, I always thought I had to change myself so others would accept me, but the moment I became my own person and understood that I was the one who had to be critical of myself and not some snarky preppy kids, my life changed completely.
Once in college, I made friends who loved me for who I was. I took time to eat healthy, exercise, and dove headfirst into my studies. I spent a lot of my spare time reading, walking around by myself and simply enjoying my own company. After all, I'm the only one who I will always have to interact with, and getting to know myself better made me understand what it meant to love myself. I did things that brought me immense joy and happiness. I'd look in the mirror and feel confident because I was taking care of myself. I felt comfortable in my own skin for the first time and haven't stopped ever since. I, also, make sure to practice small acts of self-care on a daily basis, whether it be eating a hearty and organic meal or just sitting outside enjoying a nice warm breeze. These are the things that help keep me sane and grounded.
Like any other relationship, the one I have with myself is crucial for my understanding of how my relationships with other people unfold. Once I loved myself for who I really was, I was able to open myself up more for others and appreciate their company just as much as I appreciated my own. Loving different people, including yourself, entails so many different kinds of love purely because not only is every person unique, but each and every bond is maintained and cherished in its own way. There is no way to compare different kinds of affection and adoration, but I know with certainty that if you don't start with yourself, then it'll be difficult to reciprocate love and respect for others. Simply put, you shouldn't love someone else more than you love yourself - your mental, physical, and emotional health should always come first.
