Love Yourself First Before Jumping Into Relationships

You Need To Love Yourself First Before Jumping Into Relationships

You can't expect others to meet your expectations when you can't even reach them yourselves.

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I do not mean to shame anyone. Loving yourself is a lot harder than you might think. It requires you to ignore past lies people have spread about you, to embrace every little flaw, and sometimes to even reevaluate the life you're living. The problem with not loving yourself and then jumping into relationships, whether romantic or not, is that if we do not love ourselves how can we expect others to know how to.

To an extent, friends and romantic partners can help us love ourselves more. They can bring out sides of our personality we never knew existed and open our eyes to a new perspective on life. But, in my opinion, I don't think they can plant the seed of love in us. They can help us water it and watch it grow, but they did not start it and it is not their job to stimulate it. We must learn to love ourselves apart from all the friends, family and significant others. If you cannot be happy with yourself when no one is around, then you have placed too much pressure on those close to you.

As a Christian woman, I believe that I am loved by God even in my darkest times. This notion, that even when I do not love myself, He loves me, has kept me going through all the good and the bad. Your friends, your boyfriends and girlfriends, and even your family members are only human. They go through the same struggle of loving themselves and figuring out their own life. To place your security on them is selfish and as I've learned it will crumble in time. They are only human and the weight of your insecurity is too heavy to hold forever. I believe that there is only one being that can support me forever and that is God. If you aren't religious like I am though, we can apply it to ourselves (and I do sometimes as well). We must tell ourselves that we are loved and willing to be loved by others.

A lot of us were taught how to love others from a very small age. The quintessential 'golden rule' rings in my head: "treat others the way you want to be treated". So what happens when we don't treat ourselves in a nice way? We wonder why we sometimes we can't find it in our hearts to treat others justly - it is because we don't do ourselves justice. We fill our heads with self-demeaning and destructive thoughts and then wonder why we can't even look at ourselves in the mirror. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you've made. Stop telling yourself that you aren't good enough, or thin enough, or pretty enough. You just need to believe that you are and not let the world's lies affect you. I'm not saying it's going to be easy. I still struggle with loving myself through it all. But when you truly love yourself, apart from everyone around you, you will be unstoppable and then others will see how to love you too.

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If You've Ever Been Called Overly-Emotional Or Too Sensitive, This Is For You

Despite what they have told you, it's a gift.
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Emotional: a word used often nowadays to insult someone for their sensitivity towards a multitude of things.

If you cry happy tears, you're emotional. If you express (even if it's in a healthy way) that something is bothering you, you're sensitive. If your hormones are in a funk and you just happen to be sad one day, you're emotional AND sensitive.

Let me tell you something that goes against everything people have probably ever told you. Being emotional and being sensitive are very, very good things. It's a gift. Your ability to empathize, sympathize, and sensitize yourself to your own situation and to others' situations is a true gift that many people don't possess, therefore many people do not understand.

Never let someone's negativity toward this gift of yours get you down. We are all guilty of bashing something that is unfamiliar to us: something that is different. But take pride in knowing God granted this special gift to you because He believes you will use it to make a difference someday, somehow.

This gift of yours was meant to be utilized. It would not be a part of you if you were not meant to use it. Because of this gift, you will change someone's life someday. You might be the only person that takes a little extra time to listen to someone's struggle when the rest of the world turns their backs. In a world where a six-figure income is a significant determinant in the career someone pursues, you might be one of the few who decides to donate your time for no income at all. You might be the first friend someone thinks to call when they get good news, simply because they know you will be happy for them. You might be an incredible mother who takes too much time to nurture and raise beautiful children who will one day change the world.

To feel everything with every single part of your being is a truly wonderful thing. You love harder. You smile bigger. You feel more. What a beautiful thing! Could you imagine being the opposite of these things? Insensitive and emotionless?? Both are unhealthy, both aren't nearly as satisfying, and neither will get you anywhere worth going in life.

Imagine how much richer your life is because you love other's so hard. It might mean more heartache, but the reward is always worth the risk. Imagine how much richer your life is because you are overly appreciative of the beauty a simple sunset brings. Imagine how much richer your life is because you can be moved to tears by the lessons of someone else's story.

Embrace every part of who you are and be just that 100%. There will be people who criticize you for the size of your heart. Feel sorry for them. There are people who are dishonest. There are people who are manipulative. There are people who are downright malicious. And the one thing people say to put you down is "you feel too much." Hmm..

Sounds like more of a compliment to me. Just sayin'.

Cover Image Credit: We Heart It

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Being Ugly

What it means to me

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Due to a series of ongoing events throughout my semester, I've reconsidered what it means for someone to truly be ugly. Though it is often used in terms of appearance, I do not see it as such-- now more than ever. Ugliness runs deeper than appearance-- it runs within one's soul and festers into other areas of one's life, particularly in their treatment of others.

I view ugliness as someone's conscious capacity and implementation of malice. Taking time and energy out of your day to hurt someone else, that's what I view as ugly. Some offenses are more minor than others, however, it is still a conscious effort to hurt or affect someone else negatively-- and that's the source of the problem. I truly wonder what causes that sort of behavior in someone, as I, along with most people, simply do not invest time or energy into hating or plotting against others. It seems like a full-time job.

I can theorize all sorts of reasons as to why someone would act this way: hate, jealousy, vengeance, etc. Yet, all of these reasons don't hit the root reason. It almost seems that some people are just innately ugly in their soul. This alludes to the timeless debate of whether one's personality is due to nature or nurture. Again, although our surroundings and environment do have a large effect in our behavior, that alibi only goes so far when multiple people are placed in the same environment, in the same situation, and only some are willing to cross moral boundaries in order to hurt the others. Just because an environment applies pressure to people, does not mean everyone is going to act out in malice, and it certainly does not give everyone an excuse to do so. Some people are simply conniving and, well, ugly inside.

If you have ever encountered people like this, I know from personal experience that it is such a drag. You have an enemy, essentially, whether you chose to or not, however based on their hatred towards you, they are now considered an enemy, a hater, and any other associated term. Know that they will do anything in their power to bring you down, even if it requires bending the truth and creating elaborate schemes, but you have to keep on doing you. Let them obsess over ways to bring you down. At the end of the day, their time and energy is being invested into bringing you down, while yours is being used to build yourself up. They will fall by default. So, keep your head high, act in grace, and make your money. They can sip on their Haterade and watch from below.

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