This past week has been the worst week of my college career ever. And that is saying a lot considering this is my third year of college. It has been lows on top of lows. So much has happened this past week that has tested my sanity. I am surprised I am still functioning. This shitty week has taught me to love and apperciate everything that is ME!
I have realized that I cannot make other people 100% okay. I am way too empathic. That is both a strength and a weakness. This week it was definitely a weakness. I put my everything into the people that I cared about this week and it drained me.
For the first time I completely leaned on a few friends of mine. They were there for me just like I have always been there for so many people. They put up with my ugly cries and they listened to me even when I made no sense. They wiped my tears and reassured me everything would be okay and although I didn't feel like everything would be okay I knew it would be. They told me that I need to take sometime for myself and treat myself. Being an extrovert I didn't even know what taking time for yourself even meant. Those words were not in my dictionary. I pondered on what my friends said and I decided to do something for just me without considering anyone or anything else.
I went out and did something that made me smile. Something that helped me be more confident in my own skin. Something that told the world I do not give two shits about fitting into a box, something that said I am my own person and I refuse to follow "suit." I pushed my own comfort zone and took treat yourself to a whole new level. I definitely incorporated treat self in my life. And I treated myself. I went out and bought new makeup, I also finally bought a journal and I started writing for myself again. For the first time in the whole week I was finally smiling. Happy Hanan was resurfacing and people slowly stopped asking me if I was okay.
I learned that it was definitely okay to not be happy. Living in America we all fall into this trap where we think we have to be happy all the damn time. That is absolute bullshit. You do not have to be happy all the time. And the fact that you feel like you have to be happy all the time is probably what makes people so flipping depressed. Why should we hide what we are feeling ever. If you are unhappy be unhappy. Why does it matter if your unhappiness makes another person feel uncomfortable. Make people uncomfortable and be sad and if you are happy then be happy. Do not let anyone put a stop to your feelings.
Express yourself!!!
