I have written about love plenty before because I am absolutely in love with love. I don't think I know anyone else as infatuated with that special four letter word other than myself. When I see it in real life or on TV or in stories I can't help but get that bubbly, warm feeling in my gut for how precious that experience is. To be loved, it is something I have felt in many ways except one; to be loved like a lover. I have been loved like a friend and a daughter but what can I do to attest to love of the romantic variety. I am waiting for my moment. I can only say that I have loved others before. Some I could see now were mere infatuation, but I know in my heart of hearts, I have felt first love.
A first love. A trail marker on the road map of life. We’ve all had it. That gut-wrenching, palm sweating kind of experience. It is the thing that can motivate and destroy us. A gift and a curse to be cliché, but really can we understand it any other way, that bubbly happiness which can drive us to hurling.
A first love is like a beacon of realization. We realize that the cootie phase doesn’t last forever and that maybe we’ve been missing something. Not to say a first love completes us, but best believe it adds a little something to life. A little sweetness, some heat, and the essence of relationship. You figure that maybe your heart was meant to be shared. Give a little of yourself and in return you can experience another person. Experience the tantalizing sensation of getting to know someone like you know yourself. It’s like fire; it sparks to life in an instant and with just a bit of breath it can expand and conquer any distance.
A first love is that one love we are never ready for. It hits us like a ton of bricks and we are left littered with bruises. The bruises kind of feel nice because we feel alive and now we know that kisses can soothe them. A first love can be painful because we are unsure of how it works. Who does the confessing? Do you wait or do you say something? “God he looks so cute." You don’t think you can handle this. The pressure to see a first love revealed, to expose it to oxygen and let it flourish, it’s terrifying. To leave yourself open to damage when you know you could just keep going without it is sickening but the heart wants what it wants and you can’t stop a first love from blossoming.
A first love may not last forever. It may just be something unrequited and a hopeless endeavor, but in the moment a first love is beautiful. It is pure and it is fragile. It is scary and it is strengthening. A first love is a love that is unlike any other because it is your first. You will never experience anything like it so cherish it and remember it even if your first love is not your last.
