I like the color yellow. The color yellow just makes me happy.
But I would never know that's my favorite color because just a few years ago, I never stopped to look in the mirror. I did not know who I was or what set my soul on fire. I was a boy crazy 13-year old who never put her self first. I thought I needed a boy to make me happy. I just couldn't find happiness within myself. I would settle for way less then I deserved and I made myself small. I know it hurt my parents to watch and it angered my sister that I never loved myself. At this time, I was incapable of loving myself. The process of learning to love the person within took a lot longer than learning who I was.
Freshmen year of high school, I was wide-eyed and very ambitious. I had found something I loved and I ran with it. Someone told me "well why don't you slow down and just focus on this small thing?" He did not say it to help me, but rather bring me down. That is when I learned I was ambitious and driven. I loved that no one could slow me down. That year I had accomplished so much and broke past the barrier. This was the year I learned what I liked and who I was. Looking back I realized that was the first thing I did that made ME happy. However, at times it wasn't enough.
After I discovered who I was, I still had trouble learning to love myself. I struggled with the concept that I didn't need a man. When I was in eighth grade, my sister gave me a letter that said "open when you learn you don't need a man to make you happy." It was my sophomore year and I still hadn't opened it. I was getting close but I wasn't there yet. I knew God and myself were the only ones who could make me feel whole and happy but I needed to feel it.
Fast forward almost four years later, I learned to truly love who I was, so when I opened the letter. It felt like a breath of fresh air or like I was blind then I gained clarity. I found that only I could only set my soul on fire. I grew closer to God and I loved life. I became whole not because of a boy but because of something I did. Over time I became strong and a force of nature that was unstoppable.
I began to love myself and I knew myself. I knew I wanted to be happy and I loved how it felt to just be happy because of me. Thanks to God I learned happiness shines through even when you don't see it coming. I gained wisdom to know that when I feel empty I must turn to God.
Learning to love the person in the mirror not because someone says so but because you feel it isn't easy. It takes time and lots of thinking. Don't love someone else life and try to live like them because of we all live life but not the same life. Also, don't beat yourself up over past mistakes because it took me forever to learn you are not your mistakes.
Going through this I was not alone I had a God above who saw my beauty before I could talk and he waited for me to see it. I thank God for who I am
When you learn that only you make YOU happy, you'll begin to live life and love the life that is your own.
