As most people know, Valentine's day is a national holiday on February 14th that is focused on celebrating love and what that means to people. Since this holiday is coming up, it caused me to begin thinking about what my own perception of "love" is.
As a millenial, I'm constantly influenced by my generation's social norms. Most people my age have a distorted perception of love that revolves around sex, lust, and all of the above. People my age also tend to say that the concept of "love" isn't real due to the toxic relationships they have either been in or heard about. They immediately associate the idea of loving another person that we celebrate on Valentine's day, with the romantic relationships that make them want to vomit. Once you mention the word "love," they instinctively relate this term to the unrealistic lovey-dovey couples they see in the movies causing them to say that "love isn't real" or "rare to find." They forget that love is a universal concept that should be understood as a deep caring for another person. It's not a "gross" term that causes you heartbreak, it's a part of you that young people today are failing to comprehend.
In order to test my hypothesis concerning the idea that Millenials tend to have a skewed perception of what love means, I asked some people around my campus to give me a brief definition of what they think love is.
Here are some of the impulsively-constructed light-hearted/depressing answers:
"Love is when they don't care that you didn't shave."
“Love doesn’t exist, your ex will cheat on you and leave you for another girl that has giraffe fingers.”
“Love is being able to fart in front of your significant other and embrace your nastiness.”
“Love is being able to sit on a couch, eat a pizza, yell out when they ask the question, and when you say the same answer as them, you just know it’s meant to be. JK, I don’t believe in love.”
"Love is when you say a movie quote and your lover is able to say it with you or at least know the reference."
“Love’s purpose is to ruin lives”
" Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me" (This either had a deeper meaning behind it or was simply just a song lyric)
"Love is when someone says they're not hungry but they eat your food anyways and you don't get mad."
"Love is dead"
"I don't know what love is..."
So, these were a mix of goofy and tragic views on their responses to what the definiton of love is. These answers cause me to conclude that Millenials tend to have a skewed perception of "love." They assume that "love isn't real" or "rare to find." When someone asks them about what they think love means they instinctively respond with answers expressing their resentment towards the word or prove that they don't take it seriously. Why is this? Why is it that Millenials immediately see love as an unrealtic concept that's only seen in romantic movies? Why does it seem so difficult for Millenials to view "love" as having a deep affection for someone?
I believe that it's difficult for people of my generation to view love in this way because of the society they are growing up in. Millenialism consists of an array of casual texts and hookups. The idea of expressing your love for someone verbally or through cute little gestures like chocolates and flowers is deemed foreign to this generation. Instead of these common romantic gifts you'll see on Valentine's day, many Millenials have succumb to simply texting someone to "come over" and then proceeding to ignore them when they wave at you at the dining hall. My generation has become obsessed with the phenomenon of having "no strings attatched" as opposed to going on a proper date at a restaurant or the movies. My generation has become numb to what it truly means to love someone.
Of course, Millenials are aware that love is a variation of intense feelings towards a person. We know that love is a passionate form of affection that doesn't waver. We know that love is when you care about someone so much that when they're gone you not only miss them, but feel like a part of you is missing. We know that love is real. We know that love exists. We know that love is universal. We know all of this, however, it's difficult to comprehend.
It's difficult to immediately think about the true meaning of love because as naiive young adults still discovering who we are, we don't always think about the love that's in our lives everyday. Just because we may have terrible experiences with romantic relationships we can't assume that love is "bad" because love comes in all different forms. Whether it is romantic, friendly, or familial love, it is still a part of you that you are blessed with having. When you ask a millenial about "love" they sometimes assume you're referring to how it can cause heartbreak. They tend to ignore all the other forms of love that their lives are graced with daily.
Although I'm still going to celebrate this V-day with a big tub of Cookies n' Cream ice cream and a sappy romantic chick flick, I know that love is so much more than those couples in the films that make out in the rain. Love is a compilation of all of the beautiful relationships and bonds you have formed with people throughout your life.
Valentine's day doesn't have to be the day where you cry over the fact that the boy didn't send a candygram to your dorm room. It can be the day where you celebrate the love that is all around you. The love you recieve from those people that make you smile. The love that is an integral part of who you are.
Now, don't get me wrong. Not all millenials need to be informed of the precious definiton of love I just graced the Internet with. I did recieve some definitions of "love" that were completely accurate and tear-jerking. I'll leave you with some of these beautiful responses to help make your Valentine's day sweet:
"Love is when you care about the other person and understand his/her feelings."
“Love is wanting the best for another person even if it might not be the best for yourself.”
"Love is when you care about someone more than yourself."
"Love is immersing yourself wholeheartedly into a relationship."
"Love is caring for someone so passionately that if you didn't have them in your life, you would feel like a part of you was gone."
Love is...what you make of it.
Is there even a right answer?
I guess that's for you to decide, right?
Happy Valentine's Day! Make sure to spend it with the people that make you smile.
