Here's a playlist to get ya in the mood :-).

For the longest time I have struggled with the feeling that I am both too much and not enough at the same time, and I am still trying to figure out how that is even possible. Some days I wake up and immediately feel like I am not enough for anyone. I'm not pretty enough for the boy I like, not kind enough to my friends, not supportive enough for my family. I feel like I will never amount to any of the expectations people have for me or that I have for myself. I focus on the things that I should be more of — more compassionate, more forgiving, more intelligent. I am constantly comparing myself to others and I end up losing who I actually am.

Other days, I wake up feeling like I am too much — too loud, too overwhelming, too much of everything. On good days, I am naturally outgoing and I love to be the center of attention. However, the moment I step into the spotlight, I freeze up when I begin thinking that I am being too much again. I wonder why I can't just be one of those people that enjoys things quietly, the kind that radiates happiness without having to yell about it at the top of their lungs.

So here I sit. In a constant state of "who will I be today?" I will spend weeks on end believing that I am being too overwhelming, and, for lack of a better word, extra. I pride myself on being pretty and funny and I lean on my attitude like a crutch to get me through the day. Then, something as simple as a thought will cross my mind and I am back to believing I could never be enough. I will convince myself that I'm not actually as funny as I think I am (which is probably true actually) or that the people who say they love me don't really mean it. I am a lot to handle. Trust me, I know this, I deal with myself on a daily basis.

I forget who I am sometimes. I get so caught up in doing what other people expect of me and who I think I should be that I forget who I am and what I actually want out of my life. I try to overcompensate for this and suddenly everything I do seems fake. Fake smiles, fake laughter, fake happiness. Being "sassy" is a fun little defense mechanism I use to protect myself whenever I start to feel something real. Big emotions scare me. Much to my dismay, big emotions are the only kind I have. I feel everything very deeply, I always have. And most of the time I have no idea what to do with all of those feelings so I push them away as far as I can so I don't have to deal with them (not a good idea, in case you were wondering).

Here's the thing, there will be times in your life when you don't feel like yourself anymore. I've played lost and found with myself more times than I can count. I've had more self-proclaimed "mid-life crises" than anyone I know. Losing yourself is the result of many different things; trauma, change, or just plain old life, but the most important thing is that you find your way back. Sometimes taking the road less traveled will lead you to where you need to be. Trauma changes you, life changes you, so even though you may be different, you are still you. It takes courage and strength and a whole lot of radical honesty, but you have to do it. It might mean saying no, or doing that thing you've been putting off, or not doing that thing that you really didn't want to do in the first place. But it also means putting yourself first. It means doing what it takes to find yourself and who you want to be. Because in the end, you are the only one who can really be you.

What I have come to realize over the years is that I am enough and sometimes I am even too much. And that's okay. Sometimes I am a sunny day that you just want to sit and admire, other times I am the lightning storm you love to look at but hate to be caught in. That's who I am. I'm still learning to accept that fact, but I'm working on it. Because that's also who I am; a work in progress. If I live to be a hundred years old I will still probably be a work in progress. So, when you don't feel like yourself, just remember that no feeling is final. Where you are today might not be where you are tomorrow, and that's okay.

I know that some people who read this will say "she's so young, how could she know anything about life?" Well, I would like to address those people by saying that I do not measure knowledge based on age. Knowledge, especially knowledge of the self, is based on life experiences and opportunities for growth. Of course, the older you are the more life experience you have but that does not diminish the experiences I have had thus far. I am not a life coach and this is not a self help book; this is simply me telling you that no matter your age, race, gender, sexual orientation, anything, your experiences and feelings and life are valid. So whenever someone asks you if those things have really happened to you - Say yes. And say it proudly. Because look at you, you are still here and you are thriving and growing more every day. And that is something to be incredibly proud of.