How does one define love? Everyone would probably have a different answer. Some time ago, however, a group of people sat around a table and came to a consensus on this: an intense feeling of deep affection.
Attempting to define love is a bold endeavor. It’s a funny, complicated emotion, and I think most people would at least agree on that. Just watch any romantic comedy, maybe even "It's Complicated," and you’ll see where the comedy really lies: in the complicated mess that is love.
The constant contradictions to the “it’s complicated” motif only make matters more confusing. “You just know.” “It was love at first sight.” “It just works.” These equally as common phrases make love seem like such a simple feeling.
The different ways in which every single person feels and perceives love makes matters even more complicated. How was it even possible that people were able to agree on a strict definition?
If I wrote the dictionary, I would put one word next to love: unconditional. Love is an undeniable selfless caring for someone no matter what they do. If someone you love does something to make you not love them anymore, then I don’t think you loved them to begin with – at least not my version of love.
Take, for example, familial love; whether family members publicly humiliate or steal money from each other, they still love one another at the end of the day. How miraculous is that? People can say they “love someone because they have to” all day long, but that’s just not true.
No person or societal standard can force you to love someone. Something inside of you inexplicably cares for another human’s well-being in a deep and meaningful way, and that’s love.
Many advice columns suggest that loving someone means that you think about them a lot. This is probably one of the few times I will have to agree with an advice column. In my experience, loving someone means involuntarily spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about them.
Although, I think saying, “I can’t stop thinking about them” would be a complete exaggeration, but I’d be lying if I said that people in love rarely exaggerate. The whole feeling itself is an exaggeration – of like. In fact, it’s right in the definition: “a deep affection,” and what do you know, affection means “a feeling of liking.”
Like is way simpler than love. If you enjoy spending time with a person, you probably like them. The key difference is how much you might care for that person or how often you might put their needs before your own.
Maybe you’re a selfless person who puts everyone’s needs before your own. In that case, I’d think it’s fair to say that you are a loving person. They key is consistency and frequency of love and affection directed towards specific people.
I feel as though I am starting to get too scientific for love’s sake, but how else do you rationalize something that is so inherently emotionally charged without the help of logic?
Although, why even bother explaining it or even attempting to, if the feeling is so “inexplicable”. Because after all, “When you know, you know” right?
