Nights like this I can't stop myself from thinking of us. Our marriage. Our families. Our future. Our sobriety; well at least my sobriety. I don't feel human anymore. Everybody we know is either married & happy or single & loving every minute of it. Then there's us. The dusty divorced papers on the kitchen table we barely sat at in months. We sleep in the same bed, because we both know what's gonna happen after 9:30. The bathroom sink drips at every second throughout the night. The same sink you refused to fix, because in your opinion it’s “not a big deal.” Little do we both realize each drop represents the foundation we built together just waiting to explode at any given moment. One of these days, we're going to explode meanwhile here we are hurting, screaming and just making a huge mess, because in our minds this is “only a rough-patch." This shit is Hell. If only people knew what we are like behind closed doors. The things we say and do to one another. They probably pray for us or if they really care maybe just say “get a divorce.” We’re killing ourselves. I want to put you out, but you’ll get angry and call me a “bitch.” Neither one of us is stable enough to keep this marriage alive. I’m angry. I’ve been miserable for more than 2 years. We are different people now. You don’t like the way I comb my hair or the way I dress. I don’t like the fact you wear jeans at nice places meanwhile, the other men in the same room are wearing a suit and tie coordinating with their wives beautiful dresses. You humiliate me, not just in public places; when we have an argument about money or even sex you go run off and share it with friends or co-workers. A person can only take so much. You make me sick to my stomach. Throwing the word ‘divorce’ in each other’s faces only make matters worse, because we allowed anger to take over the marriage we created. Our vows may be what keeps us in the same home, but it’s not going to save our marriage. We’re too toxic. The longer we keep our hand in the pit of fire the worse our burns will be. This is the final night I’ll be laying next to you. Our last moments as husband and wife are slipping away, it’s almost midnight and when you wake up you’ll see I sign the divorce papers. I already have the suit cases ready for you in the morning. Laying next to you isn’t so bad right now, I’m going to miss this a little bit. I just wish we could have had the marriage we longed for and that it didn’t have to take this long to understand that we just aren’t meant to be. I deserve better and I’m putting myself before you, it’s time for you to see how strong I truly am.