It’s been a little over a week since the Orlando shooting when 49 people were shot and killed. Since then, the response all across the state has been one of great grief and eagerness to support the victims and their families. Candle lighting vigils and prayer services have been hosted in many churches, where the public have gathered to honor the victims. Countless individuals have donated blood to help support the city, which since the shooting has had a serious need for donations. While driving through the town, digital billboards light up for a few moments with the trending hashtags: “#OrlandoStrong” and "#OrlandoUnited," and the radio stations run short memos that express the station’s support for The City Beautiful.
Seeing the community come together is incredible, and yet I myself am left wondering what I, as a single individual, can do to cultivate peace in our society so wracked by violence. Doubtless, if one lives nearby one of the hosting churches, they can attend the prayer vigils and candle lighting ceremonies to honor and pray for the victims. But otherwise, simply sharing a picture on Facebook or creating a status with a hashtag to show support feels rather inadequate.
In mulling over these thoughts, one quote has stuck out to me. Mother Teresa of Calcutta, a nun who dedicated her life to serving the poor in the slums of India, was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1979. In receiving the award, she was asked, “What can we do to promote world peace?” She responded, “Go home and love your family.”
This quote struck me in its simplicity. “Go home and love your family.” How often do we hear words of wisdom and shrug them off for being “cute” or sentimental? Far from rose-colored sentimentality, Mother Teresa’s words are the call to action we as Americans need now, more than ever.
Now, I’m no social scientist, but it doesn’t take much more than common sense to recognize that at home we have opportunity to uplift, encourage and support those closest to us. We also have the ability to really mess up and ruin the lives of those around us. (Dramatic, yes; but also unfortunately true).
I mean, just think about it for a second. A home is only as happy as the people who make it up. If we walk around all grumbly-mumbly, and snap at family members more than a snapping turtle at a too-curious tourist who can't read the gosh-darn signs (OK, no more metaphors, got it) then our family's happiness is going to be replaced by our negativity. No one likes a Negative Nancy, plain and simple. Little kids are especially affected by our behavior.
If we have little ones in the family, our tone of voice, our manner of being carries over and becomes their inner voice. Parents of young children can all attest to seeing the little people in their homes mimic their behavior. Their eager eyes soak up all that their parents and older siblings do; they're like sponges! They learn how to react to life events just by watching how we react.
Maybe world peace seems like too lofty a goal. But creating peace in our homes... Now, that's not impossible. If I took a couple minutes to assess what impact I have on my home life, I can learn whether I am creating peace or destroying it in the lives of my siblings and parents. All I need to do is ask myself, “How do I act at home? Am I building my family up with words of encouragement, or am I tearing them down with my anger, impatience, grumpiness?”
Assessing our behavior takes courage. If our conscience has been on vacation, our hearts are going to be kinda ugly to look at when we finally examine our behavior. We might let our pride blind us and believe that we don't need to improve. I know we're all on different walks in life, but the cheesy quote is right: the moment we stop growing, we start dying. We all have areas we need to improve in, and if we take a couple minutes to examine our behavior at home, we will quickly learn which areas need the most improvement.
How do we examine our day? Here's a quick example: one of my good friends told me each night she would take time, 10-15 minutes, to survey her day. Taking a helicopter’s view of her behavior, she would replay the day in her mind and see the way she acted towards others, noticing especially the little things. Little things include whether she hugged her children, listened patiently, her tone of voice while speaking, how much time she spent talking to or being with each person. Ultimately, she would ask herself if she became too caught up in chores to enjoy the company of her family members. “Some nights,” she told me, “I would lay awake and realize that I went a whole day without having looked my son in the eye.”
If we can be honest with the way we treat our family, we can then take time the next day to work on fixing our mistakes and try to love better than we’re used to. That's my goal at least — to love better than yesterday. The little ways of love may not be the most magnificent, but their significance is lasting and sure. In face of great horrors and great violence, a hashtag alone won’t build a culture of peace. We can no longer be idle, but must courageously love, especially in the simplest of ways. Hold back that mean comment. Take time to look each other in eye. Say a kind word. Encourage. And build peace in your home.
"There is a terrible hunger for love. We all experience that in our lives - the pain, the loneliness. We must have the courage to recognize it. The poor you may have right in your own family.
Find them.
Love them."
– Mother Teresa
