I started dating this guy, Tim, in the middle of high school. Four and a half years later, I'm dating the same guy, we're both juniors in college and not at the same school, oddly enough. Even in high school we didn't go to the same school, so we have never been the couple that was completely inseparable or codependent. When we chose to go to different colleges that were five hours away, we knew it was going to be far more difficult than when we went to high schools that were a mere five minutes away.
When we first knew we wanted to be in a serious relationship, we set one very important ground rule: we would not influence each other's college decision. We each picked schools based on our own dreams, desires and needs. I needed a small, challenging, private school that would teach me how to become a nurse, and he needed a big, state school that would allow him to follow his passions of physics and engineering. However, these were not the same schools. I had wanted to go to Illinois State University since the fourth grade when my older sister went there. Somehow during the crazy process that is choosing a college, Tim ended up at Illinois State University and I at the Milwaukee School of Engineering. He decided to go to my childhood dream school, and I decided to attend an engineering school. How aggravatingly ironic.
This choice was ultimately the best and worst thing that has ever happened to us, as many people in long-distance relationships can certainly attest to. It is the worst because I miss him constantly and have to deal with the uncertainty of when I will next see him. It is the best because I have become more of my own person. We have both made our own friends, navigated our own schools, made our own mistakes and created our own lives by ourselves and together simultaneously. He can play video games and do stupid, reckless things without me there to be infuriated with him. I can watch a ridiculous and unhealthy number of episodes of "The Bachelor" or "Sex and the City" with my friends in my pajamas without feeling like I should be spending time with him or maybe put real pants on. I can concentrate on studying for copious, strenuous nursing exams without worrying that I haven't seen him enough in the past 24 hours like many same-college couples.
Don't get me wrong, he's my person, my best friend, and the boy I've been in love with since I was 16 years old, but we both love getting to be our own weird selves by ourselves. And the best part is that at the end of the day, I get to call him and tell him what an awesome, funny, boring, terrible, or average day I've had, and I expect to hear the same from him.
While we live our lives apart together, I am comforted by the fact that where ever he is, whatever he is up to, he loves me and is counting the days (or, more realistically, weeks) until we get to see each other, just like I am. A lot of people say they find their "other half" in college, but I don't have another half. I am my own, whole person and so is he, but we are simply better together (and sometimes apart). I found my person in high school, but I found myself in college, and that is what makes the distance worth it.
