I have a love/hate relationship with fall. There are so many things to love. Being in New England means lots of pretty scenery with all the fall colors around. It means the joy of walking on the leaves after it had just rained and the smell that is indescribable. Fall means mornings with hot chocolate curled up in a comfy sweatshirt because you refuse to put on a coat just yet.
For me, fall means the start of basketball season- specifically UConn Women's Basketball. I get so excited thinking of the season ahead and watching one of my favorite sports. It means a variety of conference which allow me to travel and experience new things. Fall means taking pictures and trying to figure out the best one to post to capture the true beauty of the season. Fall can be so beautiful. However, when you live with depression that is impacted by the weather, it can also be such an ugly time, too.
It's no lie that my depression gets worse during the fall/winter time frame every year. Some say it's the lack of sunlight which could be a factor. I already have very low vitamin D (seriously, my last blood work done in August showed my vitamin D level to be at 11 when my doctor likes to see it at 30- and this was after spending a whole summer in the sun at camp!). Therefore, lack of sunlight can easily impact my already low vitamin D. However, I also think there's a sense that comes with fall that makes it so difficult.
Everything changes in the fall. Those who know me knows how much I love change... not. I go from a great job at camp doing what I am passionate about to school work and groups on campus that I am passionate for but also can find dragging at times- more so the school part than the student group part. It also means more darkness. Besides the natural impact to vitamin D, darkness also means that I am going inside sooner rather than later. I have more time where I can be sitting in my room and letting my thoughts go from 0 to 100 in the time span of seconds. It's so frustrating when you get caught in your own thoughts.
I truly enjoy taking in the beauty of fall. I admire all the beautiful sights that God blesses us with. I am really honored to live in New England where the fall foliage is so breath taking. However, I also hate how much I struggle some days but I also know that in advance so I do self care check ins with myself so that I can try to maintain being well during this transition we find ourselves in during the fall season. It's interesting how fall can be my favorite season and my least favorite season at the same time.
