I've been through the ringer with men, boys rather. Boys who have touched me when I said no, boys who have touched me when I said yes. And still at the end of the day, I'm not happy.

We are all on a journey, trying to find ourselves, trying to figure out who we are on this big green and blue planet. Blue being the operative word because that is still all I feel at the end of the day.

We should not be scorned for loving ourselves and wanting ourselves to be happy. We should not feel threatened to step off of the path that our hearts have set for us. If we feel such need and desire to stroll off the beaten path, we can follow. It is hard to understand sometimes why our hearts hunger for what they do. But I guess the only thing that is left for us to do is feed them.

Sometimes we break people's hearts, the worst is when, in the process, you break your own too. And you some how find yourself drinking straight from the wine bottle in your empty bathtub searching for answers.

There is something to be said for loving yourself first. I get it, honestly, when you love someone it's hard to introspect, you only want them, and all of them and anything they could ever want. It's sad that we occasionally lose ourselves in the process. I applaud those who can keep themselves in mind while simultaneously falling head over heels for someone else. Because it's not easy to remember that narcissism isn't what loving yourself means.

After I left the one boy I thought I truly loved, I started to write again, I started to feel my heartbeat inside of my ribs again, I started to remember who I was when I was alone. My thoughts were not consumed with the way his mouth curled when he smiled or the way he put on his shoes. Or why he never treated me the way I thought I deserved to be treated.

I forgot that I loved myself too. And that I should always love myself more. Not in a selfish manor ever because we always use our hands to serve our neighbors and friends and family, but in a way that, I remembered I was important too. Even when he forgot.

I guess the only thing I'm trying to say is that we seem to forget that we only get one life, and that it's ours, and that we can do whatever we want with it. If you feel the need to leave, run. If you feel the need to stay, bury your feet until they grow roots. But never contradict your gut, the greatest war has always been between the mind and heart.

"Unexpressed emotions will always surface in ugly ways" - Sigmund Freud

Stand with pride, in who you are, how you look, what you believe in. What you want and what you don’t want. Don't let anyone make you feel anything you don’t want to. It will always be wrong to someone, but as long as you're happy, what else matters?

Never forget who you are for someone else, always love yourself first. Boys and friends will come and go, but you will always be your own.

It took me twenty years to teach myself that, I don’t have that kind of time for anyone else.

Love yourself first, not because you should but, because you have to.