I Would Rather Love And Fall, Than Not Love At All

I Would Rather Love And Fall, Than Not Love At All

Falling in love, and losing people is only something I've recently discovered, but falling in love and losing my dreams is somethings I've always known.
26
views
"I would rather love and fall, than not love at all"

Like many other 20-something-year olds, I've given my heart to people who didn't deserve it, but that is not what I mean. Loving and falling isn't always with a person. I fall in love with my dreams, get my hopes up and am often left with a broken heart. And yes, I do it to myself.

Falling in love, and losing people is only something I've recently discovered, but falling in love and losing my dreams is somethings I've always known.

When I was a little girl, I had a dream to be a singer, like Brittany Spears. I had a lead role in my second grade Christmas choir concert, and I knew this was my moment to shine, but fate said otherwise. An ear infection, the wrong key, and stage fright lead that dream down the drain. I remember crying in my room after the concert because I realized then, that I was not meant to be a singer. My second grade dreams were crushed. Eventually, I shook it off and moved on.

My sophomore year of college, I had a dream to study abroad in England. I was so sure that I was going to get this experience. I visualized myself in England every day. I told everyone I knew about my dreams to go to this amazing country. I prayed to God that he would allow me to take this trip of a life time but he had other plans for me. That spring break I received an email that stated, "I regret to inform you..." and my little heart was crushed! I didn't get the position and my soul ached with disappointment. I was disappointed in myself. I'm a big girl and I don't cry very often but that day, I called my best friend and cried like a baby. Eventually, I shook it off and moved on.

I remember thinking, that It was fun to have a dream. I had never had a vision that big before. The thrill and excitement of even just the possibility of living in a different country, was exhilarating! It's difficult to explain the kind of high you get from day to day, knowing that your life is now filled with a higher purpose. Every day I did something that would help push me towards England. My grades were better, my heath was in great condition and my working habits were on point. When I dreaded doing something my motivation was always, "DO IT FOR ENGLAND!" That experience alone was interesting.

I realized, there's always the possibility of falling short on my dreams, but I was going to promise myself that I would never give up on dreaming.

I've recently applied for a travel nanny position that had over 24,000 applicants. My chances are literally 1 out of 24,000 and this small town girl doesn't stand a chance. I posted about my new dream to watch these children and travel the world. I was amazed at how many people actually supported me. I had friends, family and old class mates, who I haven't talk to in years, comment their love and support on my decision to chase my new found dream. I had people sending the family endorsements, sharing my story and tagging the family in every post I made. The family saw my video application and commented "Thank you for your Video! Great promises" and that was all...

Even though, those we're not very promising words or any indication of interest, I was overwhelmed with joy. As I'm sharing my excitement to my best friend, she looks over at me with these worried eyes. She says, "Candice, don't give you're hopes up. I don't want you to be upset like you were with England." I softly smiled and gently said,

"Oh but, I would rather love and fall, than not love at all"

I would rather have this dream, chase it, and fall than spend my entire life scared to fall in love with a dream because of the dreaded outcomes that could happen. I knew my chances were slim to none. I knew the risk I was taking with my heart. I know that if I don't get this dream I will be heartbroken, cry then pick myself back up again and find a new dream or try again.

That's the thing about me, when I love something I give it my all. All my attention, all my love and most importantly all my prayers.

Once I find a dream, I create this vision in my head about how its all going down. I start planning how I'm going to get there, what I need to do, see, experience before hand. I map out a timeline and deadlines. I day dream and night dream about where I'm going. I obsess. And that's okay. You see, the thrill and the excitement of the possibility of a dream, outweighs the heartache that is bound to come with it.

So, as for me, I will never stop falling in love with my dreams because eventually my time will come and I will snag that dream, and It will be everything I've always imagined!

Cover Image Credit: Candice O'Bar

Popular Right Now

I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

534685
views

Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

The 7 Stages Of A Breakup, As Told By Netflix's 'Someone Great'

Alexa play "Truth Hurts" by Lizzo, and max volume, please.

404
views

We all know how it feels to get your heart broken by a guy. Whether it be in your teens or in your 30s, everyone experiences it, or already has. After watching the movie “Someone Great" on Netflix, it hit me deep in my feels. If you haven't seen it yet, check it out. It made me realize all of the stages of going through a rough breakup, and I could not relate to a movie more.

1. When you first breakup and will cry about it to just about anyone

We all know that we do this almost immediately after a break-up. You are just trying to get out of the house so you go to the store, something reminds you of our ex, and next thing you know, you're talking the stranger's ear off in the grocery store for the next 2 hours.

2. When your friends call you and you say you're fine but you really haven't moved from your couch in two days and all you have done is eat two gallons of ice cream and watch "The Notebook" on repeat

"Just come do something with us, or let us come there."

"Nah, I'm okay, I actually have a super busy day today."

Yeah, if you mean busy as in binge-watching every episode of "Pretty Little Liars," then yeah, count me out of all plans so I can rewatch every episode for the next 3 weeks. We all know that feeling of not wanting to move out of bed for as long as you can after a break-up.

3. When that ONE song comes on at the mall, and you suddenly realize it was "your" song

This one hits differently. You're literally just minding your own business, trying to treat yourself to a little bit of a wardrobe change because of how sad you have been all week and BAM, it hits you like a train. Next thing you know you're crying in the dressing room of Forever 21 wondering where it all went wrong.

4. Finally caving in and hanging with your friends, realizing that this is what you needed all along

You never want to leave your bed after a breakup, you seem to cancel or bail out on every plan you try to make, then finally, after you have run out of tears, you actually follow through with a girl's night, and then you suddenly realize that all along, just time spent with the gals is what you needed. Trust me, been there, done that. In most cases, a dance party is also well needed.

5. The morning after your girl’s night, you realize that having these gals is better than the boy 

Having your girls there for you in such a tough time actually helps so much. It helps save the tears, the constant replaying of memories in your head, and saves you the time you could be wasting if you're sinking into a deep sadness over something so dumb. That support system is vital for post-breakup, and even I know that.

6. You let him go one last time

Whether it be writing a letter, throwing away all your old memories with him, or by finally getting all your clothes back from his place that have piled up over the past few months or years. It is a truly bittersweet feeling and might even hurt a little, but it's time. You're going to thrive without him.

7. You truly know how much better you’re doing without him

You have reached the point of no return. You’re finally thriving without him. You’re never going back, and you know how much potential your life has and how much better you are without him. Your heart is whole again.

Related Content

Facebook Comments