"I would rather love and fall, than not love at all"
Like many other 20-something-year olds, I've given my heart to people who didn't deserve it, but that is not what I mean. Loving and falling isn't always with a person. I fall in love with my dreams, get my hopes up and am often left with a broken heart. And yes, I do it to myself.
Falling in love, and losing people is only something I've recently discovered, but falling in love and losing my dreams is somethings I've always known.
When I was a little girl, I had a dream to be a singer, like Brittany Spears. I had a lead role in my second grade Christmas choir concert, and I knew this was my moment to shine, but fate said otherwise. An ear infection, the wrong key, and stage fright lead that dream down the drain. I remember crying in my room after the concert because I realized then, that I was not meant to be a singer. My second grade dreams were crushed. Eventually, I shook it off and moved on.
My sophomore year of college, I had a dream to study abroad in England. I was so sure that I was going to get this experience. I visualized myself in England every day. I told everyone I knew about my dreams to go to this amazing country. I prayed to God that he would allow me to take this trip of a life time but he had other plans for me. That spring break I received an email that stated, "I regret to inform you..." and my little heart was crushed! I didn't get the position and my soul ached with disappointment. I was disappointed in myself. I'm a big girl and I don't cry very often but that day, I called my best friend and cried like a baby. Eventually, I shook it off and moved on.
I remember thinking, that It was fun to have a dream. I had never had a vision that big before. The thrill and excitement of even just the possibility of living in a different country, was exhilarating! It's difficult to explain the kind of high you get from day to day, knowing that your life is now filled with a higher purpose. Every day I did something that would help push me towards England. My grades were better, my heath was in great condition and my working habits were on point. When I dreaded doing something my motivation was always, "DO IT FOR ENGLAND!" That experience alone was interesting.
I realized, there's always the possibility of falling short on my dreams, but I was going to promise myself that I would never give up on dreaming.
I've recently applied for a travel nanny position that had over 24,000 applicants. My chances are literally 1 out of 24,000 and this small town girl doesn't stand a chance. I posted about my new dream to watch these children and travel the world. I was amazed at how many people actually supported me. I had friends, family and old class mates, who I haven't talk to in years, comment their love and support on my decision to chase my new found dream. I had people sending the family endorsements, sharing my story and tagging the family in every post I made. The family saw my video application and commented "Thank you for your Video! Great promises" and that was all...
Even though, those we're not very promising words or any indication of interest, I was overwhelmed with joy. As I'm sharing my excitement to my best friend, she looks over at me with these worried eyes. She says, "Candice, don't give you're hopes up. I don't want you to be upset like you were with England." I softly smiled and gently said,
"Oh but, I would rather love and fall, than not love at all"
I would rather have this dream, chase it, and fall than spend my entire life scared to fall in love with a dream because of the dreaded outcomes that could happen. I knew my chances were slim to none. I knew the risk I was taking with my heart. I know that if I don't get this dream I will be heartbroken, cry then pick myself back up again and find a new dream or try again.
That's the thing about me, when I love something I give it my all. All my attention, all my love and most importantly all my prayers.
Once I find a dream, I create this vision in my head about how its all going down. I start planning how I'm going to get there, what I need to do, see, experience before hand. I map out a timeline and deadlines. I day dream and night dream about where I'm going. I obsess. And that's okay. You see, the thrill and the excitement of the possibility of a dream, outweighs the heartache that is bound to come with it.
So, as for me, I will never stop falling in love with my dreams because eventually my time will come and I will snag that dream, and It will be everything I've always imagined!