There is a stigma that has latched itself onto the words "community college". I catch myself explaining my reasonings in why I chose to go even before people ask. All throughout high school I was so set on leaving Warwick as soon as that diploma hit my hands, but 2 and half semesters later I'm still here, writing from the comforts of my room. That longing to embark on my life still jolts inside of me most of my day, but I have grown content that it has not truly begun yet. Yes, I am getting a college level education, but no I have not had that chapter turning moment quite yet.
My first semester I could not get over the heaviness I felt while walking through the campus of SUNY Orange. I was jealous of everyone else who went away to a 4-year college and social media did not make it any better. Peoples dorms rooms were decorated and new friends were being made. While I was sitting in a high school like room surrounded by people who didn't even look at me. My mindset made it hard for me to drag myself to my car and drive 30 minutes to a campus, and then 30 minutes back.
My first semester felt like a repeat of high school. I continued my unorganized tendencies and my grades were not horrible, but they could have been a lot better. I felt like I was wasting my time still unsure of what type of college education I wanted to get. I would dwell over how confused I was for my future instead of trying to figure it out. I luckily had my best friend with me and we carpooled on certain days, but we were both miserable together and the car was overfilled with negative air. That first semester taught me about how a mindset can affect your outlook on life. To enjoy community college you need to soak yourself in the positives. Once you get past your pout you can start to figure your future out even if your mind is still twisted up in a hundred diverse paths.
That's what I did. Despite my uncertainty about tomorrow, I took my tools and started to carve my own trail. I accepted that it was 110% okay that my future looked foggy to me. I spoke about it to whoever would listen and their feedback chiseled away my doubt even more. My schedule for the second semester consisted of classes that shouted "me", even though I was still unsure of my major. I saw it as a way to experiment with different classes and since I was saving thousands of dollars the burden wasn't as heavy. I still stayed close to my general educations, but I took classes that interested me as well. That interest soon morphed its way into my visions for my future and is now my biggest goal. I met people the second semester and became more involved and I cared about my grades.
Community college is a stepping stone. It eased me into a more independent life. and has taught me how to balance all that life throws at me. I have not lived on my own yet, but I am more prepared. It's O.K. to go to community college. It's O.K. to only apply to community college. It's O.K. to be uncertain about your future. I have realised that I love school. I love to learn. Those words would have made me throw up in highschool.
