Love. It’s one of the most talked about, if not the most talked about, subject in the world. Love is also one of the most exploited topics in media. Every book, film, song, and TV series has some form of a love story. This ever-present impact of love on all of us is seen in the way we move through relationships, whether romantic or platonic. We continue to do things because they make us comfortable and because we’ve been taught that as long as you are nice to someone and do everything they need, or you believe they need, they will eventually love you back. People put their lives on hold to try and make someone fall in love with them and they have no idea that they’re even doing it until it puts a strain on every other relationship around them.

I cannot sit and act like I don’t enjoy our media’s portrayal of love. Personally, I have a playlist on my Spotify that makes me think of a universal “you.” Some of my favorite movies are romantic movies such as (500) Days ofSummer and About Time. I took part in The Fault In Our Stars phenomenon of both 2012, when the book came out and 2014, when the film adaptation came out. I’ve only recently become aware that maybe being surrounded by shallow portrayals of love are unhealthy. The idea that all you have to do is love someone and be kind to someone and they will love you back is unhealthy. Love isn’t just caring about someone. Love is so much more. It’s one of the few words that has so many connotations that it’s impossible to put your finger on exactly what it means.

I am not cynical about the idea of love. As I said before, I am recently aware of the damage that the idea that we are nothing without love or the idea that it is 2016 and it is still considered insane for a woman to be happy without a man. I cannot claim to be an expert on love. The lack of a long term relationship in my life has been questioned by many and understood by few, with multiple people asking if I am asexual because it seems as if I am not interested in anyone. Along with the lack of a long term relationship, I have also never been through a horrific breakup. No, I haven’t gone through these things but I have watched people I love struggle in relationships, both romantic and platonic, because they are unable to grow because they are afraid of making another person uncomfortable. That is an unhealthy way of living. I would rather wait until I know myself well enough to understand what I am looking for in a significant other.

The lack of said relationship and subsequent breakup has made me somewhat acutely aware of the good and the bad in the relationship of other people. I am not a relationship expert by any means but I’ve had 19 years to observe. These observations have led me to understand that just because a couple looks good together physically, it doesn’t make them a well put together couple. The combination of the 2016 connotation of love and the vanity of a modern young adult leads a lot of people to aim for a relationship where other people want to be in a relationship like theirs because of the cool things they’re doing or the way they look from a certain camera angle.

Love is more than just seeing someone pretty. Love is more than just looking back on a relationship and only remembering the good things that happen. Love is more than the likes you get on an Instagram post. In my humble opinion, love is two whole, independent people coming together to be two whole, independent people together. Love is not two halves making a whole. Love is depending on someone, but not so much that it hurts you when they don’t have all the answers. To really get to what the heart of love is, you must first know yourself and what you’re looking for. So, make the decision to get to know yourself a little better this week. Listen to Discover Weekly on Spotify. See a movie you initially thought you wouldn’t like. Sit and allow yourself some time to be alone and in the quiet. Meditate. Go for a run. Better yourself. Love yourself, then let someone else love you.