I Wasn't Willing To Kill My Personality For You, That Ended Our Relationship

I Wasn't Willing To Kill My Personality For You, That Ended Our Relationship

I lost the love you once gave me, but I gained the love I had for myself back.

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I remember the first time I heard the phrase "would you love me more if I killed someone for you." It was a month or so after our big blow out that left us separated for good. I was driving home listening to one of my new favorite artists when the song came on.

It hit me like a ton of bricks.

The ways I changed for you flooded back into my head.

For instance, I love nothing more than my car and the community of people that it has allowed me to be a part of - you hated that. I gave up trying to tell you about things like Stancewars and how I finally landed a sponsor. Not only did I give up trying to bring you into something I loved, I nearly gave it up myself. I stopped going to car shows, stopped talking to my friends that were part of that community. You had downplayed my love for something to the point it seemed like a burden to you. So, I gave it up to try to keep our love alive. Boy, was that a mistake.

Another example would be how I nearly failed out of a class in order to keep seeing you. It was my sophomore year of college, and I knew that it was going to be harder than the year before. With that said, I was willing to put in less effort than my freshman year just so that I could see you. Had a big paper due and it wasn't done? Turn it in 75% finished and call it good. Had a meeting with my editing team for the magazine I worked for? Leave it 30 minutes early so that I could meet you at your house when you got home from work. To this day I love school, and I love nothing more than getting good grades but I put that all on the line for you. I put my future on the line for you.

In the end, I did kill someone for you - it was me.

All that I loved and took pride in you didn't care about and I thought that if I left them behind or pushed them to the side that you would love me more. That was so far from the case. After the last blow out we had that left us not only separated but on not talking ever again terms I knew it was time for a change.

I needed to get the girl I killed for you back.

Since we split I have modified my car more. I put in a custom exhaust system and am installing a racing style wing in the next few months. I'm taking classes that I like again, ones that will allow me to work in the automotive industry doing marketing once I graduate. I lost the love you once gave me, but I gained the love I had for myself back.

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.
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Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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You Do Not Need A Relationship To Be Happy

With Valentine's Day coming up, a lot of people may need this reminder.

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I'll be honest. I am someone who IS in a relationship, and I AM happy. However, I am fully aware that I don't need romance in order to be happy or even to have fun on Valentine's Day.

A lot of people, especially around this time of year, want a relationship just to get into a relationship. Don't do this! Trust me, I completely understand that there is pressure and a lot of emphasis on romance. However, neither you or nor your partner will be happy if you try to initiate a romance out of loneliness and nothing else.

If you're going to be single on Valentine's Day or at any other time, don't stress. Hang out with your family or your friends! They make you happy, correct? Yes, it is nice to have a romantic partner in your life, but there are other people to love and other people who love you.

You may not realize it at first, but platonic and familial love are actually quite underrated in today's society!

That's not to say you shouldn't want a relationship, or ask someone out, or say yes if/when someone asks you out. It just shouldn't be your first priority. You can be just as happy single as you can be in a relationship. It's just a matter of letting yourself be happy and finding the right group of friends!

The less you stress about trying to find a significant other, the better you'll feel in the long run, even if being single hurts or feels lonely right now. There's absolutely no shame in not having a partner. Buy some chocolates for yourself and for your friends, and call it a day. You already have all of the love that you need.

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