Dear "friend,"
I don't know how many times I can tell you this, I know that we've talked about. I know that you know how important it is to have trust in a friendship. I know I've told you how hard it is to actually trust a person. Yet, even knowing that it's something you've toyed with. Something you completely did not take seriously within our friendship. Maybe, I am overreacting just a bit, but I feel like losing this trust in you has just changed everything.
You let me believe that you'd always be there for me. That I could always count on you. At first, these were true. You were always there for me. Maybe that's why things are the way they are right now--rocky. Maybe it was too much at one time, but that's what you asked me. You asked me to lean on you. You let me believe that you cared. That I actually mattered. Silly me for believing that.
For months, you'd be the first person that I came to when things got tough. You helped me with so much, you helped me choose a better direction in certain points of my life. You were that person. But you started to drift and so once I knew that you didn't care anymore I wasn't sure what to do. I felt lost. Alone. Betrayed.
I was back to where I was when we started this journey of friendship, only I think things might actually be worse at times. Didn't think that was possible, did you? But I won't blame you. Nope, it's not your fault at all. It's mine for trusting you. It's mine for allowing a temporary feeling of comfort, belonging, of feeling like I mattered get to my head. The bad didn't seem so bad back then. The good even better. But who knew that one fading friendship would lead to this?
I guess what I want to say is that you've already destroyed my trust. You've betrayed it. It'll take more to get it back and I don't know if it's worth even trying. But right now, you're losing me as a friend as well. I used to tell you everything. I came to you about everything and now I'm left to fend for myself.
Tell me this: was it worth it?
Do you know how hard it is to pretend everything is alright? To hold myself together? To try and joke around like old friends?
The trust has faded. The nicknames, vanished. The conversations about life, gone. But what never faded is how badly I still need your advice. How badly I could still use a pep talk, even if I always complain about them.
You always said you'd be there for me. You're not. You're so far away, yet pretend to be so close. You didn't notice when I started to drift away. You didn't stop me from pulling away like you said you would a million times. Why did you suddenly stop caring?
I don't want this friendship to end like this. But I can't keep trying to pretend like it's all there when it's not. This is the last straw. I don't want to leave, but I'm wondering what's the point? Is there one? Do you even care?
Sincerely,
Don't let this be the end.
