Did you ever think one day you might not feel like yourself and feel so lost in the world?
Neither did I.
From what I can remember when I was younger, I was one of the most happiest kids you could have ever met. I was a small, yet fiery little girl that had an unique smile with a gap and all. "Life is Good", just like the shirts that every dad in America wears, my life was just that. Good. Not even good, I had a great life and I still do today. But why do I still feel so lonely in a world of great adventures?
Every day I woke up with a smile on my face and ready to conquer the world. Now it seems as if the world is conquering me instead of me getting my shit together and conquering it myself. But at that time, I had no worry in the world. Fast forward 10-15 years later and you find yourself worrying about everything in the world.
My childhood was full of promise in sports and school to become who I truly am. From rushing from school to soccer to softball to basketball and so on, my life consisted of me non-stop living off of a schedule. This schedule gave me no time to myself, but challenged me with life problems. I am now in college and finishing my first year within the next 5 weeks. My first impression of college was that this is where I will be living and learning for the next 4 years. But finally I was able to live on my own (even though I miss my dog and mom all the time).
Like most people always told me "High school isn't the best 4 years of your life, college is." I thought so too at first until my schedule stopped.
Being a student athlete in college was exactly how it was as being a student athlete in high school. School and Soccer was always my main focus. Completing homework assignments on the way to games, having best friends on your team, and constantly reassuring yourself that you can juggle all this work. I was right, I could handle all of my work. Actually I handled my work very well my first semester. Me as a student athlete finished my first with a 3.8 gpa. How you asked I did that? Because I had so much determination in during soccer season and the beginning of the school year. But that determination would disappear the next semester.
Before Winter Break, I ran into some trouble with myself. I began having severe stomachs problems and not having a chance to gain the freshmen 15. Also, I became more and more unhappy. The Winter Blues were coming right for me, or at least I thought that what it was. I ran into some trouble with myself and not staying on top of my game. I thought releasing everything in my life would help me find that happiness, but I was wrong. Everything in my life was perfect. I was the problem not them.
Its 4 months later and I have struggled with so many situations with school and myself. I still feel at times that I am disconnected from everyone else and I am invisible. I just want all my friends back because without friends, you would not have the same memories, laughs, and love that you do today. I want this "Good Life" more than anything in world, but I have to make it happen.
Like Gandhi once said " Be the change that you wish to see in the world".
