I grew up in a very small town, and graduated with practically everyone that was in my kindergarten class. When you go to a small school like this you (typically) have the same best friend from grade school all the way through senior high. At least that was my situation.
We were inseparable. Every beginning of the school year we would switch our schedules to be exactly the same, walk in and walk out together, and we ALWAYS showed up at the same events together. All the teachers told us we would be best friends forever. Sadly that hasn't been the case. I was always told that people change and part ways after high school, but I just KNEW that wouldn't be us. Until the summer after graduation and my life began to go downhill and my best friend was no longer there to pick me back up. When you lose your best friend, the person you told everything to, knew what you were thinking just by the look on your face, it feels like they are actually gone. Not just in a way where you can't relate to them any more, but gone as in like dead. no longer on this earth. A hole in your heart that can never be filled.
You know the hit Adele song "Hello"? Well there's a verse that says "did you ever make it out of that town where nothing ever happens". That verse and song completely describe my feelings. I've lost my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, my person to tell exciting news too, and my person. But most of all I've lost my will to make friends, build strong relationships, and welcome people into my life like I used to. Since then I've seen myself pass up so many relationships due to this fear of being hurt again. In the three years that I've been out of school I've seen myself not let my true friends know what is going on because I don't trust them to stay. I fear they will leave my life also. With no warning just stop talking to me one day. Losing your best friend doesn't just hurt your heart, it hurts your trust in others, it hurts your want for community and ultimately puts up walls that you feel will never be broken down.
