To My Old Best Friend:

I wonder how you’ve been lately. I think about you almost everyday, wondering what you’re doing, who you’re now spending time with, how your day is going, and of course, why I don’t know the answer to any of those questions.

I miss us. I miss having someone to laugh at. I miss having someone to laugh with. I miss our random lunch dates and our even more random dance parties. I remember being able to walk into your room with a naked face asking you to give me a makeover. I remember being able to walk into your room with tears coming from my eyes and having you squeeze me before I could even explain what was wrong. I miss bringing you random Starbucks just to brag about how well I knew your order. I miss taking long drives while switching roles of who would drive and who would be in charge of music. I remember looking in your closet whenever I couldn’t find one of my shirts. I remember having the worst days and knowing it would be OK just because you could sit and laugh about it with me.

I remember and miss all of it.

You truly don’t realize how much someone means to you until they’re gone. You don’t realize until you go from seeing them everyday to not seeing them at all. You don’t realize until you walk past them knowing it would be weird to say hi when you have never even had to say bye.

I wish I could understand how things got this far deep. I wish I could understand how lack of communication itself could destroy a friendship as strong as ours. But I guess I can’t dwell on it any longer. I can’t be the only one giving my all into a friendship. I know I deserve better than that. I know I deserve to have someone not talk bad about me behind my back or forget about me when someone else comes around.

I’ll never wish any harm on you. Mostly because the fact of the matter is, you were a huge part of my life, and I could never actually see myself “hating you.” In fact, I will forever love you because of all the memories we’ve shared.

On the other hand, I will forever remember all the hurtful words you’ve said to me or about me. I will forever remember that keeping a best friend requires the effort of both people, together.

So overall, I hope you’re happy. More importantly, I hope someone else has given you the constant support and love that I always did. Because thankfully, I know people have given it to me.