Not a single day goes by since I lost my grandfather that I don't think about him.
He was my entire world; the one person who could make me laugh so hard tears emerged from my eyes and overall he was the most loving and caring person to anyone he knew.
August 7, 2015 he was taken from us at the age of 92 from dementia. For those who don't know what dementia is, it's a memory loss disorder. It's considered to be in the same family as alzheimer's disease, but the outcome is less fatal sometimes.
James "Jimmy" McCue, a beloved husband, father and grandpa.
When I was younger, I'd always wish everyone in my life would live forever. I never had to deal with the death of a family member until I was 17. Just the fact of realizing I'll never see my grandpa again was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to accept in my life. I would never hear his voice, feel his warm hugs or soft peck of a kiss on top of my forehead or be able to tell him how my day was ever again.
The morning of August 7, 2015 was going to change my life forever.
I remember I had work that day, but my mom woke me up earlier than normal. I knew something had happened because about 2 weeks before she told me my grandpa wasn't looking so good. She looked at me and said, "Come in my room we have to talk." Right there, in that moment I knew he was gone.
When I went into her room, she was sitting on her bed. The world seemed quiet as if everything was at peace for a second. I sat down in front of my mom and with only a single look and nod what I had thought was true, become a horrifying reality. I could feel my heart drop from my chest and break all around me. Everything became a distant echo, almost like anything someone said to me was a mumble.
Nothing seemed real anymore.
When I pulled myself together from drowning in my tears on my mothers shoulder, I remember asking if they had told my grandma yet. My mom replied, "no," and immediately I continued to cry because I couldn't even imagine how she was going to react finding out her husband for over 60 years was gone.
My grandpa lived in a nursing home in Brooklyn since our aid we had for him originally in his and my grandma's home could no longer care for him the way he needed to be cared for. The staff there were all truly amazing during the time of his passing; especially one nurse who loved his sense of humor and bright personality so much.
While my grandpa was still alive, it would sometimes be hard to see him because he tried so hard to remember my mom and I, but we knew he was struggling and couldn't do it. We noticed the progression of his dementia when he would forget he put tea on, went for walks and forgot where he was, asked where his brother who passed away was and asked where his troop buddies from World War 2 were. It would be so heartbreaking having to try to remind him that his brother was gone or that I wasn't his daughter or my grandma wasn't his mother.
Over a year later and I still don't want to believe he's gone. Every now and then I visit his grave at Calverton Nation Cemetery and talk to him about what's been going on in my life or play "Old Man River" since it was his favorite song to sing when I was younger.
One of my favorite memories with him was going to Seaside Heights with him and my whole family for vacation. He would always be so silly and wave to my brother and I on all the rides! We had a tradition of going to Friendly's for breakfast one morning while we were there and one of the last times we went he had a huge sneezing fit. That man was sneezing for a good 20 minutes at least. It was one of his most funniest moments I'm lucky enough to remember.
I love you to the moon and back grandpa, I hope you're resting easy my angel.
