I met my soulmates in the seventh grade. To clear up any confusion, I don’t mean soulmates in the “one-deep-romantic-partner-meant-for-me” sense, but instead as a small group of people with pieces of their souls that matched my own. When our paths crossed, I was instantly inseparable from them. It was like everything was complete. Being at a new school in a new state, I never questioned why I suddenly felt so at home because I was thankful to feel accepted (seventh grade was awkward). Time passed, I moved again, and we all went to different high schools. Busy lives put strains on friendships no matter what the age. We all drifted in and out of touch with each other. I still don’t question why it all happened the way that it did, but I’ve come to realize they are more like an army of angels that God sent just for me than just a group of ordinary middle school acquaintances.
I probably wouldn’t have admitted it back then, but it’s pretty clear that our group had a ringleader. His name was Cain. He had a smart-ass attitude, a devilish yet angelic smile that could light up a football field and he was kind to everyone he met, especially those who needed it. He was more intelligent than us, though he didn’t always choose to show it, and his brains combined with his looks of a young movie star could have charmed the pants off of the Queen of England herself. I, like every other girl around him and all of my friends, had an unshakeable crush on him. I knew that I loved him when I was 13 years old, and yes, that’s possible. But he was my best friend, so instead I waited eight years to tell him what I had known since seventh grade. For eight years he was my person, my confidant, my wingman and my source of confidence that made me feel like I could be anyone and do anything. Today would be Cain’s 22nd birthday. But instead he was taken from us too soon by an addiction that took control in a way that none of his friends were able to battle. I always knew that a large percent of who I was becoming was because of Cain, but it wasn’t until after he left us that I realized how much he taught me about what it takes to be a friend.
Take too many pictures
Take SO many pictures. I don’t mean 10-second Snapchat stories for your followers to see or a perfectly lit and posed pic for Instagram. Take planned pictures for the places you visit and landmarks you see, and ridiculous or spontaneous photos at random times. Stop worrying about how perfect your hair looks in the picture and capture the moment. If you snap a pic to your friends, save it to your camera roll. Print them out. Hang them on your walls. Put them in an album. Many of my photos from my middle school years are lost to MySpace or that pink Razr cellphone that I loved so dearly. Passwords are forgotten, computers break, phones get dropped in toilets. A lot less goes wrong with a box of photos, trust me. Take videos, too.
Don’t let someone tell you that it isn’t worth the distance
Whether it is in friendship or in love, never let someone tell you that distance is a reason to let go of someone that means the world to you…it is only for you to decide. An eight-hour drive might seem like a long time, but look at it as there is enough time for three of those in one day. In the time it takes to watch two Harry Potter movies, I can be states away visiting someone I care about. Two hundred dollars might seem like too much for a plane ticket, but is that new purse or new watch really more important? Show up for birthdays; surprise your best friend at work. Put in the time and effort it takes to stay close with those who invest their time in you. Nothing makes me happier than knowing I took the chances to visit when I had the chance to, and I know that I will do whatever I can to see my best friends.
Don’t hold back
If there is something that you feel or you need to say, let it be known. So many people don’t know how much they are loved. Sometimes it feels uncomfortable to be overly loving to friends, and we are afraid of how people will react to what we have to say. Screw worrying about what other people what people might think. If your friend is the most badass trumpet player you’ve ever met…tell her. If your best friend looks like a movie star and has the power to melt a million hearts, let him know. Everyone wants to know that they are appreciated and valued. I sat at my best friend’s funeral and listened to everyone speak. I watched everyone around me cry. I’ve read Facebook posts after the fact of how much he is missed and was loved and how great he was, and it warmed my heart. I want to make sure that everyone I love hears these things before it becomes past tense. I am so thankful I told him how ridiculously fantastic he was all the time, and I will do this for all of my friends. I hope you tell someone today that they rock your world.
Friends don’t sugarcoat
If you truly are friends with someone, you should tell it like it is. There’s no point in wasting time trying to hide the way you feel. Look out for their best interests, unconditionally. If your best friend's boyfriend treats her like crap, remind her of what she deserves. When someone makes a questionable decision, voice your opinion. You don’t always need to support their decisions, but support your friends. If something annoys you, bothers you, scares you…be upfront and work through it. Never say something behind someone that you wouldn’t say in front of them. Fight when you need to fight, but take mind in your words. Don’t be hateful or hurtful, but don’t walk away wishing you said something that they needed to hear. I am comfortable knowing I said what I needed to say, but I also know that I was scared to really fight about things I didn’t want to dig too deep in. Please, don’t be afraid to be direct when it is necessary. A good friend will know.
Pick up the phone when it rings
Call. Don’t text. Don’t rely on any form of social media to find out how someone is doing. Make a phone call. And always answer a phone call. In 2016, nothing says I’m comfortable with you like a phone conversation. Sad, but true. If you care, pick up the phone. Every time. A two-hour conversation will take ten minutes on the phone, so save the time and take the time, because a familiar voice is so wonderful to hear.
Have real conversations
Ask questions. Listen. Do you know her favorite color? Do you know what would cheer him up when he’s sad? Too often blabber on about useless gossip or things that have no real impact on our lives consume our conversations. Heck yeah, its fun, but don’t let this happen all the time. Focus on your friends and learning more about them. Try to talk less about yourself, and listen more to what your friends need to say. Don’t interject on their words until they ask for help. .It may be cliché, but when it comes down to it, it will matter much more what you know about your friends.
It’s the little things that matter.
Pay attention to the simple things that make your friends feel good. If she likes lipstick, buy her a new shade. Send flowers. Buy him his favorite beer. It isn’t hard to make someone smile, so why not take a second to do so. I love black coffee in the morning, so Cain made it for me. He loved back massages, so that’s what he got. It isn’t difficult, but I know that it means everything. If there is a little thing you can do for someone to make them smile, do it. It’s worth it. Why not make someone you care about happy if it takes such little effort? Try it. Just keep in mind, you may not always get it back. But that’s a risk worth taking.
Find out what they believe in
Talk about the beliefs that you hold close to you, and ask them about what they believe. It can be a touchy subject, but it will make you closer as friends, I promise you that. There is nothing more rewarding as knowing what their views on the world and on heaven are. I wasn’t a believer until the beginning of the summer, and I’m so happy I had that conversation with my friend before he left me, because many people will never know that side of him. At a time when I was questioning everything, I will tell you that my belief in life after this world has never been stronger.
Don’t be afraid to invest your love in the friendships that you can feel mean the most to you. Aside from family, your friends will shape your life, and friendships are 50 percent up to you. I could write a book on what Cain taught me about love and life and taking chances, but until then know how much importance stepping out of your media-influenced and self-focused world to develop real relationships with the close friends you have been blessed with.
