Do you know what it feels like to sit there and watch someone you love to be in excruciating pain and you literally can't do anything? You just have to sit there and let that person suffer and push through it. You can’t help but just to sit there and make that person think that you don't care, even though you are terrified for him or her simply because of the fact you have no idea how to properly respond to the situation. This person sits there and talks about how he or she just wants to die and you can’t do a thing. You are scared to even attempt to help because you don't want to make things worse. This is the absolute worst feeling in the world. It’s as if your loved one is a great diamond and you aren't anything but some scum on the ground and both of you are completely helpless.
I have been through so much that your average college kid probably shouldn’t have to face, and that includes being in love with someone who lives a constant life of pain and despair all while trying to escape this deep hole this person is in. It is already hard enough for this person to have a "normal life," but I’m here to tell you that this is something that is hard for me as well. Now it may sound a bit selfish of me, but I just want others to know that it is not always rainbows and butterflies.
I can literally feel my heart breaking and only hope to become so successful that one day I can take everything that is harmful away from this person. Unfortunately, I’m afraid that this is something that only God can handle and take from this person. I can only keep my prayers strong and my faith stronger. It’s not that easy, though, because it is a constant battle between me and the world, it seems like. My entire world can turn upside down in a blink of an eye once the pain starts. I believe that it hurts me more than it hurts this person, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. My calling is to help others and you may as well beat the snot out of me if I cannot help the person I love.
Sometimes, I wish that I could have the love you see in chick flicks and those Disney movies. I wish that I could have a perfect life and wish that my issues would dissolve forever. I mean, I guess that I could move on with my life and go on to the next fish in the sea. It isn’t worth it, though. If I can’t have this particular person, I don’t want anyone.
“Never give up on something you really want. We all know that it is tough to wait, but it is even tougher to regret what you gave up.” -- Unknown
