On August 28th 2017, I began my second to last semester as an undergraduate student at Seton Hall University. The classes I attended that day were Publications Editing, American Journalism, and Evolution of Film Art. At the end of the day, I was looking forward to the rest of the semester. With each new semester, comes a new set of aspirations, challenges, setbacks, and overall changes.
As this semester comes to a close, I can look back at how I have changed in just a few months and smile. I smile because I have learned and I have grown as a human being.
When I started the semester, I was pretty sure of how I was feeling, of what I want to do, and where I want my “next steps” to be. I knew I wanted to be happy, I knew I wanted to travel, and I knew I had to let go of people from my life.
Looking back at the “me” that started this semester, I am still the same person, but I most certainly have changed.
I started college with a can-do attitude, but of course, like many, I was nervous about the years to come in a myriad of ways. I was nervous about making and keeping friends, dating, intimacy, keeping up with courses, the social scene, and making important steps toward a career one day.
I started this semester with the same can-do attitude, less nervousness, and a few other important things I learned along the way. I’m being vague because some of these things are indescribable while others are not. For those vague lessons that I learned, all I can say is that they all brought me to where I need to be today.
As for the more specific lessons I learned, here they are.
I learned who is worth my time and who isn’t worth my time. Through friends and “relationships” or partial relationship-things, whatever they were, I learned who was actually worth my time and how they fit into my life. But I also learned that not everyone you build a connection with is meant to stay in your life, and that’s okay.
People come and go just like our thoughts come and go. One minute we are focused on something so closely, and two seconds later our minds are distracted by something else.
We are humans who love to create noise inside our minds. What’s even more interesting is that we can’t make this same connection with people. At least I can’t. But I’m learning. This semester, I learned that some connections aren’t forever connections, and that is perfectly normal.
It’s easy to understand how friends drift apart when they go away to college, but it’s different when you drift apart from people that live close by you while you’re at school. When this happens, it doesn’t make sense and it’s even harder to understand the situation when they are so close by all the time.
I learned that I need to stop trying to make things happen. In some ways, making things happen is great. But in others, it leaves me feeling disappointed and frustrated. Mostly, trying to make things happen with people I am interested in dating.
I live my life with the philosophy of you only live once, so do it. Say what you want to say. Do what you want to do. Don’t waste anyone’s time and especially not your own! It’s hard for me to tone back the “make things happen” dial, but it really is essential to living a happy life.
Life sometimes needs to just happen.
Looking back on the “me” that started this semester, she’s still there.
She’s just a hell of a lot stronger and smarter.
