One day he's around, the next he's gone. Sometimes out of sight for weeks, sometimes months, and then maybe, just maybe the phone rings.
You don't understand. How could you? One day dad is there and completely in the picture, the next he’s here physically but emotionally out of touch, and then one day, like a thief in the night, he’s gone without a trace.
You don’t need to know why Mom and Dad aren’t together anymore (I would love to tell you but I have better things to do than talk negatively about someone on a social media platform) and please if you remember nothing else from this letter the remember not to spend the next ten years of your life trying to figure out why dad wants nothing to do with you. You'll just end up sitting in on weekly therapy sessions at the counseling center. Don’t get me wrong I love spending Wednesday mornings with Erin but I would much rather not have to do so.
You’re thirteen now, going to be fourteen in May, and have never had a dad to look up to. He’s had “better” things to do. But now you're stuck in the most awkward and confusing stage in your life with no male figure to guide you, no father to look up to.
Believe me, I've been there, I've done that, and it sucks.
The bad news is, and I’ll be blunt, he’s not coming back. You can sit here and wait for the rest of your life wondering whether or not he’s ever going to be a part of your life and the whole damn time you're killing yourself over it you’ll be giving him exactly what he wants.
He wants you to miss him when he makes no effort to be around. He wants you to blame yourself, that way it takes some of the guilt away from him. You don’t need that.
I can promise you one thing, and I know promises from a male figure just seem empty and meaningless to you, but coming from me you can trust it, I’m not going anywhere.
Look to me when you have no male to look up to.
Look to me when you are hurting, when you are scared, when you need to talk man to man.
Look to me when you need to shave your face for the first time and have no idea what you're doing. I learned on my own and I butchered that one pretty badly, I won’t let that happen to you.
Look to me when you see a cute girl you want to talk to. I’ll be your wing man.
Look to me when you’re in trouble. If there’s a way I can help, you know I’ll do it.
Look to me when you’re lonely and sad.
Look to me when you feel the absence of a father.
I’ve been there brother. I know what it’s like. The difference between me and you though is that I knew and understood that my dad wasn’t around. In your case you see him one day, think he’s back, and have no idea where he is for weeks. Look to me to be your example.
I’ll argue with anyone that you can get through and get by without a male figure in your life. I had to and I turned out pretty damn alright. To name a few things that I did without a dad, I got through school, I learned to shave, I played sports, I had girlfriends, I had breakups, I found Christ, and I got into college. I’d also agree that it would have been a whole hell of a lot easier to get through and get by if I did have a male role model during those times.
During those times of emptiness, I’ll be there. I promise you I’ll never let you down in that way. I’m in this for the long run.
Love you bro.
Look to me.
