When I lived in Delaware, I wanted to be either a princess or an ice skater. I wanted to be Pocahontas. I wanted to memorize my alphabet backwards. I cut my own hair because I wanted to be in control of how I dressed and how I looked. I watched "The Prince and I" and fell in love with love. I memorized the handshake from the "Parent Trap" and could quote the entire last scene. I got married to Billy and he took care of me and our two (baby doll) children.
When we moved to South Carolina, I wanted to be adventurous. I wanted to climb trees and find hidden pathways around the neighborhood. Working for the FBI and being a secret agent seemed like my only calling. The “haunted" house behind our shed in the backyard didn't scare me one bit! I rode my bike until it was too dark to see. I caught bees and put them in my insect farm. I played football with the boys. Capture the flag and hide-and-seek in the dark were some of my favorites. I made my very first best friend. I developed my first real crush. I learned what it felt like to be attracted to someone. But in no way did I know how to handle myself in front of him in any sort of respectable manner.
We left for New York City after our fourth summer. It was for a very brief time, training for our even bigger move afterwards in the fall. I learned what family meant and how to comfortably sleep on the floor for an entire month. I figured out the subway system and was able to rely a little bit more on myself. I was a tiny girl in a huge city. A huge world. But I knew, even sitting on the rocks in the middle of Central Park that I was something special. My life would be magnificently different than thousands of other children. I was blessed at that moment. And I would continue to be blessed.
Waking up to scents of freshly baked pastries and bread from the bakery down the street in Costa Rica is one of my most vivid memories. Here I learned that friendships are the most important relationships you can build outside of your family. Every beach, volcano, jungle, plantation, waterfall or roadside tienda we went to, my family was accompanied by longtime friends that we loved. I was taught that it doesn't matter how far away you are; it's your feelings, your promises, your love and your commitment that keeps a friendship strong.
At the start, when we first arrived in Belize, it was one of the harder times in my life. Here I discovered what being alone felt like; what being the outcast and the victim felt like; what verbal sexual harassment felt like. I learned how to really cry – hard and real from your chest. Here I developed the habit of saving mementos from every happy moment I've had in my life – letters, notes, pictures, and other random items. I learned what a broken heart felt like and experienced the guilt that comes with hurting others. My fan was my secret keeper and my books were my adventures. However, it was there that I became brave and took chances. I learned who I was and who I wanted to become. I made plans and set goals.
It has been years since I left Belize. I'm not Pocahontas. I'm no longer in contact with my childhood husband. I rarely play capture the flag or climb trees, and I still feel like a little person in a big world. Friendships will forever be important but I've found out that a small percentage actually last. A small percentage of many things last.
I've endured storms and trials. I've failed and I've succeeded. I've laughed – hard and real from my chest. I refuse to stop dreaming and stop learning. Each stage began and ended but I grew up, not only physically but also mentally, during each one and I know I will continue to do so for the rest of my life. The people that have stuck by me are my favorite support group. They have trudged along in my journey. They are my favorite unexpected blessings. And in just the five chapters of my life that I mentioned above, I can pick out quite a few that I've received.
So go back and look at your life. Instead of seeing what went wrong, what you didn't achieve and all the ways you were hurt or disappointed, search for all your unexpected blessings and be thankful. Those moments are the ones to focus and grow on. And keep an eye out for the blessings to come because they won't ever stop.
