I’ve had quite a few friends come to me all with the same issue. They’re growing apart from a friendship they’ve had for years but are conflicted for that exact reason. Do they hold on for the sake of how long they’ve been friends? Or do they cordially move on? To this, I tell my friends a phrase I say to myself all the time. “I release anything and anyone that no longer serves me.” That’s my butterfly kiss marshmallow version of ending whatever it is that lays heavy on my heart. It’s softer and somehow doesn’t make things hurt as much. I think people get caught up in how long they’ve known someone but they aren’t looking at the aspects of the friendship itself.
What is a good friend, though? My definition of a good friend is someone who tells me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear. I think people get it stuck in their heads that as a good friend we have to support every single thing someone does and that’s simply not true. A good friend is allowed to disagree and challenge what we have to say. When we can’t see the whole picture they should bring it to our attention or call us out on what we're doing, to push us to be the best version of ourselves we can be. Now that doesn’t mean rubbing it in our face when we do the opposite of their advice and they end up being right. But it does mean holding us accountable to the standard of who we can be.
So, when my friends come to me conflicted, or I myself am conflicted, of whether or not to let go of a friendship, I ask what the friendship is like. What is that person bringing to our life to make us a better version of themselves? With my personal experiences, the answer has usually been nothing. More often than not people hold onto a friendship out of a childhood loyalty. As a military child, I have never experienced having to let go of a long-term friendship, seeing as how I never lived anywhere longer than three years, but it can be just as hard letting go of someone you've only known for a year than you have for ten. I've learned the quality of a friendship is far superior to the years you've known them.
We must remember people are constantly changing and evolving so whether it be you moved away or you go to different colleges or have different friends or you don’t play the same sport, it’s okay if you and your long time friend don’t have that much in common anymore. I’m not saying “releasing” a friendship you’ve had for years won’t be hard or sad or nostalgic. I’m not saying you can’t be there for them if they ever need you, but I am saying it’s important to recognize when the people in our lives no longer help us grow and meet our life goals. That is after all the point of having people in our lives right? People you grow along side with, sitting on a porch somewhere remenencing on the person you were ten years ago saying, “Wow, we sure have changed a lot since then, huh?”
It’s like that saying, “Some people come into our lives for a season, some come into our lives for a lifetime, all have a purpose.” Whenever I have to release a friendship, I always consider it God’s way of telling me, “This person needed to be in your life during that time to help you grow into the person you are today. But now, they have nothing left to give or teach you. Release them and I will send you the person you need in the next phase of your life.” I allow myself to be sad, because it is, but I also remember to thankful. Thankful that no matter whoever that person was and how long they were in my life for, they played a part in whom I am today. Thankful for all the laughter and love they gave me and thankful for the memories I’ll cherish forever.
After all that I say my butterfly kiss marshmallow phrase, "I release anything and anyone that no longer serves me.", I wish all the best for that person, take a deep breath, and trust God's plan in moving forward to become whom He has intended, knowing He will bring the people I need to do just that.
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” -Proverbs 27:17
