I never really thought I would date long distance, and even if I did, I didn’t think it would ever be for this long. Not because I don’t believe in long distance, but because I didn’t believe I’d ever be the person I am now. I used to be a major homebody, someone who figured they might spend their entire life in two or three places at best and then settle down. But that’s not really who I am. And it took a plane ticket, 2,000+ miles and one hell of a significant other for me to see that.
So I can honestly say: I don’t know where’d be now if it wasn’t for my boyfriend.
So much of what I feel like I can do is because he believes in me. Over this last year, he’s given me boundless confidence. But more than that, he’s given me my freedom. He’s never once stopped reminding me that I’m my own person, or that I can make my own decisions. Because no matter what choices I make, he’ll always be there. He’s my best friend, my partner in crime, my hype team. But he’s also an ocean away while I study abroad, and I miss him.
I miss him every day. Some days more than others, and never in the same way. People paint long distance as the most grueling thing you can put yourself through, but I don’t think that’s really the case. I’m not abysmally depressed 24/7. I just miss him. I miss him when I see things I think he’d enjoy and I miss him when I see things I know would annoy him. I miss being able to share a drink or an ice cream. I miss having someone to explore with. Someone to come home to at the end of the day.
It’s all the little niggling details that make me miss him the most — but more than these things make me sad, they make me happy (albeit in a very bittersweet way). There’s just something about knowing I have someone out there for me in the world, no matter how far away he might be, that makes me really happy. Knowing that I can miss someone like this is almost the best feeling in the world.
Almost.
Almost because it still sucks sometimes and because it does get to me every now and again — especially with Valentine’s Day right around the corner. But in spite of all that, I’m still happy. I’m so proud of us. So proud of what we can do and how we can manage. I wouldn’t want anybody else to be my person but him. So even though there won’t be any hand-delivered chocolates or roses this week, I know I’ll be okay. We’ll both be okay.
Because we’re going to keep on keeping on, looking after each other and handling the distance the only way we know how. Together.
