Unsaid Expectations

Although Brian was a good man, there was something Jessica didn't like about him, and that was "Brian was fond of starting something and not completing it."

Jessica had great expectations for Brian because he was intelligent, but none of that expectation came to pass; instead, Brian would start something and abandon it halfway.

This kind of attitude made Jessica uncertain about their future together.

Although she tried telling him about her concerns, she wasn't expressly clear in her communication about Brian's weaknesses.

She kept her reservations away from Brian, and she would tell me about her frustrations whenever they fight.

She kept believing that he would change, but she soon started to resent him slowly without knowing.

Key Lessons

If you have any expectations of your partner, let them know about it. If any action or inactions make you uncertain about the future, don't shy away from it.

Share your concerns with your partner.

It might hurt your partner, but it would make them conscious and do better to make the relationship work.

Close Friendship With The Opposite Sex

I have said this over a million times to long-distance lovers during coaching "don't keep close friendship with someone of the opposite sex."

A violation of this simple tip has ended so many long-distance relationships.

The truth is close friends with someone of the opposite sex can bring temptations that are difficult to resist.

Jessica had a friend who was helping her with her academics; they were classmates, and the guy was very intelligent.

In the beginning, there was no issue, but as they hanged out every day and read together, feelings started to develop.

If you want your long-distance relationship to work, this simple tip is worth paying attention to.

Key Lessons

There's nothing with having the opposite sex as friends but be careful of having a particular "one" as a close friend.

Things can get ugly pretty quickly, no matter how disciplined you think you are.

Lack Of Financial Resources

I keep saying this long-distance relationship requires money, although a lot of people tend to downplay the importance of money in a relationship, which should not be

Money is an important factor in a long-distance relationship. Everyone wants to be part of a financially secure future to some extent, and no one wants to be in a relationship where it's difficult to travel due to lack of funds.

Brian & Jessica tried to keep the relationship going, but the obvious lack of funds and financial stability was staring both in the face.

It was difficult for Jessica to travel on many occasions because there were not enough funds to cover the traveling expenses.

Key Lessons

Financial resources are very important in a long-distance relationship. It would help if you didn't ignore it. Love is not enough to sustain a relationship sooner than later; the reality would set in. with time, the cost of traveling and having a fun time together would be worth considering.

Lack Of Romantic Memories

Brian and Jessica were my close friends; whenever Brian was around, they didn't do anything fun together.

Brian was not the outing kind of guy, so there was no going to the cinemas, restaurants, or amusement parks.

Such relationships easily get boring, and your partner might quickly give in to temptation when someone else comes along who promises them adventure.

Key Lesson

When you are together with your partner, do your best to create memories that would last for a long time.

Go outing, watch movies, organize a small dinner party with friends, make sure you do something that would make you laugh, and remember your partner when they have returned to their location.

Ignoring The Truth

I have discovered that most long-distance relationship couples refuse to tell each other the truth.

They would rather tell friends about their issues in the relationship rather than talk with their partner directly.

Some would even share their issues on forums or social media without speaking with their partner who is directly involved in the relationship.

Jessica didn't voice her concerns to her partner, such as the fact that he didn't take her out or do certain romantic things he should have done when he was around.

Her reservation which slowly turned into resentment made it easy for her reading mate to take advantage of her by making her experience what she had missed.

Key Lessons

Do not hide anything from your partner; whatever you hide, you would soon begin to resent your partner for it.

Discuss what you want with your partner. If you keep things in mind against your partner or refuse to tell your partner their mistakes, it only a matter of time before you begin to lose interest.

Uncontrolled Jealousy

Jealousy is a one-eyed monster that needs to be tamed. It's important that you control your emotions and not allow your imagination to run wild.

Brian was always monitoring Jessica, where she went, & who she was with; he would check through her Whatsapp chats whenever they were together.

Such acts led to frequent fights and malice for some time. Jessica felt like she was in prison and needed some air of freedom.

You must understand that you can't police someone over the phone.

Although the chances for long-distance couples to cheat is high, it's still not enough to put your partner on 24-hour surveillance.

If your partner is cheating sooner or later, you will find out.

Key Lessons

Jealousy can bring a desire to control your partner's life in a certain way; you want to determine where they go or who they hang out with.

A relationship is not a prison, and the more your partner senses jealousy, the further they run away from you. The stress associated with envy is not worth it.

External Interference

Brian & Jessica's long-distance relationship had much interference. Since they both met in our local church, everyone was interested in the outcome of the relationship.

They both enjoyed the support of both families, but with time the support started to dwindle.

Jessica's mom had other women in the church as friends who told her Brian was not good enough for her daughter. And that he was a college dropout who entered the ministry.

Although she didn't listen to them initially, she started to think about it with time.

How did I know?

There were certain questions she started to ask Brian that she didn't ask before, and she began to act differently.

Jessica also had friends who told her that Brian was a pastor and didn't have much to offer. They said pastors are usually broke.

When the relationship with her classmate started, she tried to hide it from Brian, but eventually, he found out, and they broke up.

When some people heard they have broken up, they told her that she made the right choice by dating someone who would be a pharmacist like her.

They praised her for making a decision that would guarantee her financial future.

You mustn't allow external influences to ruin your long-distance relationship.

When you are in a long-distance relationship, almost everyone around you thinks you are crazy, and they would try to talk you out of it.

Others would recommend that you start dating someone else to keep body and soul together.

The advice from friends and family is endless.

Key Lessons

Do not allow family and friends to determine the direction of the relationship. Everyone would try to give their best advice without considering if it's the right thing for your relationship.

Some well-meaning advice can ruin your relationship.

Friendship Was Absent

This is one of the most important elements that would determine if your relationship would be exciting or boring, and that is "friendship"

I tell my coaching clients to start a long-distance relationship with your friend, although many might not know why.

When the rush of emotional feelings at the beginning of the relationship has faded off, friendship is what would keep you going.

Jessica and Brian were really in love, but they weren't friends. There were so many things they didn't tell each other because the friendship wasn't there.

Friendship is what enables you to tell your partner certain things you normally wouldn't tell.

When you are friends with your partner, it makes it difficult to hide things.

If you find a relationship that both partners keep too many secrets, then know it because they aren't friends.

Brian and Jessica couldn't communicate each other's weaknesses. They preferred to keep silent about it.

Their silence led to resentment, which later ended the relationship.

Key Lessons

Ensure you build friendship with your partner before starting a long-distance relationship; it would save you a ton of stress.

Make your partner open and free to tell you anything without fear of judgment. This would help you both navigate the rough seasons of your relationship.

Lack Of Respect

On several occasions, Brian reported to me that Jessica insulted him on the phone. It was quite sad to learn about it.

Disrespecting your partner is one of the fastest ways to destroy the emotional excitement associated with the relationship.

Many people do not see anything wrong with calling their partners names or insulting them over the phone.

Some would even hang up the phone on their partner during an argument and then send a hurtful text.

Such acts destroy relationships with time. It makes your partner slowly lose interest in you and the relationship.

Jessica and Brian were often fond of texting each other when they are angry; that's something I counsel people against

A wrong word you say to your partner can easily be forgotten, but a text message would be remembered.

If your partner is doing something that annoys you, let them know about it. It's very possible they might not be aware they are hurting you rather than disrespect them.

Key Lessons

Nobody can stay in a disrespectful relationship for long. Most times, they start seeking other alternatives.

Both partners respecting each other is the foundational key needed to make a long-distance relationship work.

Everyone is valuable, so treat your partner with respect because they deserve it.

Lack of Integrity

Jessica also reported that Brian used to lie over certain issues, and I found out it was true.

Brian was fond of exaggerating things and sometimes lies in the process.

Jessica was disappointed, and whenever they fight she would say, "Pastor Brian that lies."

It became her favorite remark about him.

Personal integrity is very important in a long-distance relationship if you want your partner to respect you, then your words can be taken to the bank because you stand by your words.

Without integrity, it would be difficult for your partner to go the extra mile on your behalf or make certain sacrifices for you.

Key Lessons

Integrity is very important in a long-distance relationship; it's what would make your partner defend you that you can't do certain things.

Such a level of trust is required to keep a long-distance relationship going.