Everyday humans need a reason to believe in something. Whether they live by the motto, "Everything happens for a reason", or, "What is meant to be will always be." We search for reasons to understand why something happened the way it did. And the sad truth is that many of us live with regret. We doubt ourselves and think that maybe if we didn't do this or that, things would've been different. The hardest truth to accept is that this happened exactly the way it should have, and you did make the right decision.
When you live with regret and have second thoughts about every decision you have made in the past, what is the point of living then? We need to look to the future, let go of the negative pasts that occurred and focus on what can be, not what could have been.
One of the first steps to eliminating any regret is to forgive yourself. Whether you feel like you hurt someone by this decision you made, or you genuinely did not mean for that to occur, learn to forgive who you are and that it is okay to make mistakes. One of my biggest regrets in my personal life is not speaking to my Aunt Pat for 2 years before she passed away. I wish I would have told her everyday that I love her, and that I would love to see her again, but sadly she passed away before I had a second chance. It was very hard for me the past 5 years, but I did learn to forgive myself. You live and you learn. I know my Aunt knew I loved her, and I have accepted the decisions I made prior to it. Forgive yourself.
The other aspect you must take a look at is forgiving someone else who didn't say sorry. You feel so much anger inside that this person wasted so many years of your life, or truly did you dirty. You have angst with this person and have a lot of regret for not seeing the red flags or believing all the lies. When you can find it in your heart to be angry, find it in your heart to forgive them for yourself. Do not hold grudges, life is too short. Focus on the future and tomorrow and the person you are today. Most likely you will never receive that apology, so take that loss and learn from it. Forgive them so you can let go of that anger built up. It is too much energy to use on a daily basis to hate and be mad. Let this be a lesson for you and learn from it and move on.
Another side of regret is purposely putting scenarios inside of your head to make you feel like there could have been a better outcome or solution. No. What you chose in that moment is what you felt was best. This choice may have been made with your head or your heart, which is a hard battle, but you did what was right. Don't let anyone else make you feel different. During that time in your life you made a personal choice to better yourself or remove yourself from it. Don't get caught up in thoughts that you could have made things better, or maybe you should have said this instead. You must accept that this has happened and only look forward, not back anymore.
If you live with regret and feel like you hurt someone or really did ruin something good, take accountability. Look at yourself and tell yourself that you did this, and acknowledge the pain that comes along with it. Like I said, forgive yourself. But always remember to give credit when credit is due, so if you feel like you do owe someone an apology, do it. There is no hurt by reaching out and acknowledging that maybe you did hurt someone and you can show them how sorry you are. If this is not accepted, follow the other step above and forgive yourself.
Lastly, we all live our own lives, and with time the pain we feel now will subside and we will overcome these obstacles. Do not focus on the bad anymore and see all the good you have to offer to this world. Don't get caught up in situations that could have been or obsess over a different outcome. Always do what is best for you and always take accountability for yourself.
"There's a reason why your windshield is bigger than your rearview mirror. Where you're headed is more important than what you've left behind."
Love Always, Mel.
