Tonight, I'm talking about the scariest thing that has happened in my life, as I recall a memory that happened at the beginning of this year.

During the first weekend of this semester, I decided to celebrate the new semester, so I went to the Smith Haven Mall in Long Island. I was singing with my cousin, Kate, when two men passed by me and said, “Look at him, is he a fag?” That word woke me like a fire alarm that went off at the stroke of midnight. I stopped and looked back at them; they were pointing at me and walking toward me. I panicked. I held Kate’s arm without any explanation and kept walking faster. The two followed after, with their rubber boots ruling against the wet ground. My brain was empty except for the scene of homophobic killers killing people in a dark alley. My cousin and I rushed into the Cheesecake Factory and wished we could get rid of them. Fortunately, they stopped outside the Cheesecake Factory.

It sucked; it was the first time I experienced being stalked. The fear ate at my heart in that moment. I had never been so afraid of people; I even felt unsafe to sleep alone that night. For the first time, I understood the feeling of my life being threatened by others because of my own sexuality.

I used to think that America was safer and more accepting toward the LGBT community than China was. So I came here for the freedom to love people I like without caring about others’ thoughts about me. I found myself wrong. It is more acceptable in America than in China, however, the freedom also came with the price of worrying about being attacked by those haters. At least in China, people would just mock you with words if they find out your sexuality. They don't attempt to hurt you physically; they don't follow after you in public, and they don't call you “fag” loudly; they don't even throw fears to you every second.

I’m sinful, and deserve to be hated by all of humankind if I simply love someone I want to love without caring about his or her gender or race or any identity; so does everyone who has the right to love. It's reasonable that people don't understand this community because many of them had never fully get in touch with this community or just got stereotypes from others’ mouths. But when you throw threats to others based on your biases, you might destroy another person’s sense of safety or even his or her psychological world.

I really appreciate a friend who once said that a person is like soup -- you might have conflicts with your identities. However, you could take out some of your major beliefs and add more of your other thoughts. In the same way, when the soup is too dilute, you could lessen the effect of the water by adding more cheese or broccoli. When the concept that you take from the outside world is contradictory to your own belief, it is much easier to do away with your own opinion and listen to others' stories, than to keep being bitter and making another’s life tough. At the same time, hating doesn't make you feel better but makes both sides tired and hurt. So, why don't we just be more accepting and cause less misery in each others' lives? There's nothing wrong with love. It's all in your head.