When we are in college, we enter this weird phase of life that is full of change and transition. For those of us that choose colleges that are farther from our hometowns, we find ourselves in a unique time when we are calling two very different places home. For me, these two places are Maryland and San Diego. I lived my entire life in Maryland in two smaller towns, and then decided to go to San Diego State University which put me in a very big city. Both of my two homes have contributed to who I am today, but because I've split my life between the two, neither feels like the perfect fit anymore.
My first home was in Reisterstown, Maryland, a suburb of Baltimore. I lived there for eight years and then moved to a smaller, more country town called Hampstead. They have populations of around 25,000 and 6,000, respectively. I remember a lot about Reisterstown, but Hampstead provides a better characterizing of me today. When I first left for school, my description of home was "a town so small we don't have a Starbucks." The small town vibe fit me in a lot of ways. I loved a lot of things about living here, but moving away made me realize the things I don't like about living there.
When I began school in San Diego, I was overwhelmed by the opportunities. I went from a population of 6,000 to over a million. My hometown didn't have any Starbucks, but suddenly there were five within one mile of me. I had to go to the next town over to see a movie at home, but now I had at least 10 theaters within 15 minutes of me. This big change for me made me stick out in some ways. Some people called me "Maryland" in my dorm and I didn't quite fit in perfectly. From the way I say "ask" to how I had no clue what a "pizookie" was, I was just a little different. And then there was the whole deal with most people being way more into health foods and new, interesting exercises than people back home. I always felt a bit like an outsider
The first time I went home, I was really looking forward to feeling at home again. But my time in San Diego did change me in a few, very small ways. At first, it was pretty cool to see people from high school and have them ask, "You go to school in California, don't you?" and I would feel all impressive and cool. But I was missing all of the things happening back home. My work friends all got closer while I was away and I didn't know the new employees that they talked about. I hadn't been able to attend all of my high school's theatre productions to support my younger friends. I had picked up a few California sayings and mannerisms and people started calling me a "California girl," even though I didn't relate to that concept at all.
I don't regret going to school 3,000 miles away from my home, but it definitely isn't not what I had anticipated. By living in two different places, I put myself in a position where I couldn't fit perfectly in either. I would always have influences from the other and would always miss out on things happening one place while I was in the other. After three years in this strange limbo, I have finally accepted that there is nothing I can do but enjoy the elements of each while I am there and do as many things as I can in each. Although this means I'm always in a long-distance friendship with people from each place, it also means I always have the other home to escape to when I don't want to be in the other. In the end, I'm happy to have two homes.
