The moment we take our first breath Satan is out to get us. In 1 Peter 5:8 it explains that Satan roams this earth like a lion looking for someone to devour. Me. On August 30th, 1994... He attacked.
As a kid, I seemed to collect a variety of fears. Clouds, vacuums, my family leaving, loud noises, thunderstorms, big equipment, people in general, the dark, me dying, my family dying, my dog dying... You name it, I was scared of it.
My mom spent many nights of my childhood reading me scripture about fighting fear just to get me back to sleep. My bible was highlighted with memory verses strictly pertaining to fear. I remember both my parents literally fighting the good fight for me, teaching me that living my life in fear was not a way to live at all.
As I have gotten older, the one fear that I had as a child that has continued to haunt me is the fear of people.
No one had told me that there was a reason I needed to be scared of people. No one had given me a reason to not want people to speak words to me or even look at me without having an emotional breakdown. So why was I scared of people and where did I learn this fear from?
There are very few things on this earth that make my heart happy more than people. Put me in a crowded room and my heart will be content. Sitting at a coffee shop with a friend for hours or saying hi to a stranger on the sidewalk is something that brings me life. I love people. I am passionate about people. I believe this is a gift that the Lord has blessed me with and a gift that Satan has been trying to take from me since day one.
Satan has been out to steal, kill and destroy my purpose, my calling, my passion since I came out of the womb. Just like all of us, he wants to make us feel inadequate, unequipped and fearful. The more things we are scared of, the less influential we will be. When I live my life out of fear, I ultimately am not trusting My God and I am not operating out of peace.
It's not a coincidence that the same thing I feel called to now was also one of my biggest fears as a child.
As long as we operate out of fear, we are going to live our lives with limitations. We are going to put our hopes and our dreams in a box. We will make decisions based out of fear and not solely on where we feel like our God is leading us. Living life in fear can cause us to become someone that we are not meant to be. We will live life feeling uneasy and we must have control in order to feel safe. We are not meant to be in control.
God will never direct you to make a choice by making you scared of something. Let me say that again, God will not use fear to direct you. Our God directs us by giving us peace, hope, love, grace, and mercy because that is who our God is. He is love. He is grace. He is mercy. He is all of those things
Anytime I make a decision in my life, I don't ask myself which one is more scary and then avoid it. I go where God's graciously given peace leads me.
Today, I am not blind to the fact that I still allow fear to creep in. Yes, I have graduated from the fear of the clouds and the vacuum cleaner, but at times I still get a visit from fear. It just tends to look different nowadays. Fear of the unknown, fear of what people think, fear of the future, fear of finances, fear of being alone... These are my fears.
Its crazy how fast our minds can take us down the road of worry and how easy it is to allow ourselves to stay there. We must choose to wake up every morning and fight the good fight. We must look fear in the face and not allow it to rule our lives. Instead of answering to fear, I want to answer to My God. I want to truly be able to pray for God to lead me wherever he is calling me, and to go without hesitation. When fear begins to creep in, let's all learn to show it the door instead of catering to it's every need.
