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You can’t stop change. You can’t stop yourself from falling in love, that lover from leaving or the children from growing up. It feels like you are getting ready for a big trip and it’s time to say “Goodbye” to everyone before you leave. These were Melissa’s thoughts as she rummaged away drifting through her mind, with precise details while writing after years dealing with depression and the severity of Crohn’s disease, there was no more liveliness or the willingness to do things any longer.

As she sat in fear, she sat with crossed legs in the floor, enlightenment and understanding everything more deeply was what she now yearned for as she sat in disbelief. She had read the letter that she had received earlier that morning for the third time informing her of the release of her ex husband. The same man that had beaten raped and cut up her face. He served three years after being found incompetent to stand trial. She rubbed her hand across her temple as memories began to flood, she placed it on the scar gently and followed down her face as it winded like the River Nile.

Her ex-husband suffered from mental illness, but in spite of knowing this, being a mental health care specialist herself she had fallen in love, gotten married and felt that love could heal all things. They had done so well for themselves they each graduated from college, had ideal jobs, and a beautiful home that had been built from the ground up by her husband with his very own hands. She half smiled remembering how she rubbed her belly as she looked on as his sweat poured from Sunrise to Sunset. After their first and only daughter Julia was born how proud he felt for providing such strong stability for his family.

They had both agreed to him staying home to raise Julia, while she worked doing what she loved best, and that was serving the communities as a social worker. Julia had since become a grown woman now married with two small children of her own. She became her father’s keeper throughout the years as the roles had been reversed. She never developed a relationship with her mother because of the resentment of being stripped away from her childhood by remaining with her father. Slowly the change began to surface he started showing signs of his Schizophrenia through his anger and was becoming violent and paranoid from her being away for long hours, after being called into the agency, accusing her of having new lovers. A jealous rage behind closed doors had become public once she filed for divorce.

Melissa dotted her I’s and crossed her T’s, sealed the envelope and addressed it to Julia. She remained seated, lit two white candles, after she swallowed several small white pills. She was of Hindu belief so she called upon her Brahman god for her Truth and Reality. Later that evening, her daughter entered into her home after several friends from work had tried to reach her. Still sitting in the same criss- crossed position; Melissa had committed suicide. She said that she was just plain tired of being sick and living in her fear an apologized for taking the easy way out. She said that if leaving here means her spending eternity with Satan, she had written “I’m not afraid of him I was married to his brother”. Every day, approximately 105 Americans die by suicide that’s one death every 12.3 minutes. Depression affects 20-25% of Americans over the age of 18 in a given year. According to the CDC, suicide takes the lives of over 38,000 Americans yearly and the rate is increasing. Your life matters, in a crises call, 1-800-273-8255.

Source: (CDC) Center for Disease Control

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