"One day, a long time from now you’ll cease to care anymore whom you please or what anybody has to say about you. That’s when you’ll finally produce the work you’re capable of." - J.D. Salinger
"What do you want to be when you grow up?" To be asked this question at such an early time in my life is what I've come to find as downright bluffing. How was I, at 13 years of age, supposed to know what I wanted to do for the rest of my life? I was in the midst of finding myself and still at a cross road between child and young adulthood. That question is just as daunting then as it is now. No one ever really knows what they plan to do for the rest of their lives because our futures are never a guarantee.
I remember the exact moment in time when the future became a prominent weight on my shoulders; how every little thing I did would shape and mold my entire future, not just as a student, but my entire self. It began slowly, like a shadow casting over the sun during a languid span of time—the anxiety and the absolute fear of what I had to do and who I had to become. Fear of what had yet to happen.
I began to fabricate this idealized version of myself through others expectations and future dreams. Their dreams began to become mine. Most of this happened during my high school years. These were crucial times for students with aspiring wishes. College was this elusive and terrifying concept that served as the ultimate goal in our four-year stay at high school. What I was to become and how I should express that became my obsession. I always had to have the right answer to that infamous question of what did I really want to do with my life.
I quickly realized that the essence of the school put a price in specific careers. Teachers marveled at students who wished to become engineers, lawyers, scientists or doctors. Meanwhile, other career paths merely gained the reaction of an "oh, that's interesting" and little encouragement on the subject.
This is where my grand idea of becoming lawyer began. I thought "maybe if I choose a more impressive path in life I'll gain recognition for my actions and reverence for my ambition." What I didn't factor into this particular equation is my own happiness and my real aspiration. I let the will of others get in the way of what I most valued in myself and what I really wanted to do. There are several ways of helping others that don't necessarily deal with being a doctor or bringing justice into this world without being a lawyer.
It wasn't until I graduated and came to a college campus that I realized that my worth was far greater than a title. I was able to ground myself again and take a look around me on campus. Other students were just as uncertain as I was and dragged with them the same weight of expectations from their old high schools. It was liberating in every sense of the word. For the first time, I was able to take stock in myself and ask myself what it is that I hope to gain for the future. What is is that makes me happy? At that point I knew I didn't need an answer but had time to answer it within my own parameters in a place that allowed me to do so.
It is important to highlight that although being a doctor or engineer is in fact an impressive feat, being able to make people feel through writing or film can be just as rewarding for others. Your dreams shouldn't be those of others. Live authentically, whether it be volunteering at an animal shelter or writing novels. What matters is that what you choose to be, say it proudly and don't let the views and expectations of other define what your happiness is. Only you can decide what is failure and what is success. At the end of the day it is you who will be holding the scalpel and be miserable every step of the way it took to get you there.
"Everyone is a genius but if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid." - Albert Einstein
