Being thrown into a new place with new faces and an overwhelming workload is not easy—I think we can all relate. I had a really tough time adjusting to “college life,” and found it especially hard to leave my old life behind. My family is my foundation and I feel most comfortable around them, so, naturally, I stayed in my comfort zone and did not let myself open up. And, among other things, that’s what my social anxiety does.

It leaves me extremely uncomfortable in social situations, especially new ones. Once I discovered that I have it, I started to realize of what it had robbed me. I’d been holding myself back from many opportunities in my life because I was afraid of the possibility of failure and rejection; I was never the person to simply strike up a conversation, or to go somewhere by myself where people could see and judge me. It was easy to close myself off to new relationships or friendships because then I wouldn’t have to face the possibility of change and the unknown.

Social anxiety can also manifest itself as a fear of not being liked by everyone, an obsession of not being good, pretty or thin enough, a dread for change, perfectionism, and worthlessness. The constant tug of war of your thoughts consumes you to the point where you do not think you can ever escape your own mind.

I have always been “the quiet girl,” which often made social situations hard because I would literally make myself unapproachable. I would sit or stand by myself not talking to people, and if I did talk to people, it was hard to keep a conversation going. Because my social anxiety often did not lead me to new relationships with people, I felt alone. My thoughts would often just go in a downward spiral and bring my mood down, especially when I had too much time on my hands to think about all the negatives.

I hit my breaking point once I finished my first year of college. Throughout the year, I found it difficult to be outgoing and open to new friendships at school, I was mad at myself for not pursuing sports in college, I put pressure on myself to obtain a 4.0, I could not make up my mind about what I wanted to major in, I had very high expectations, I avoided going to social events at school—often including the dining hall—and I started to utterly dislike myself. It became harder and harder to look myself in the mirror and smile at the girl staring back at me. I felt like my life was going in circles and I was just sinking in the pit of it.

I had let myself be sad, guilty, and anxious for too long and I needed to learn the right ways to cope with it all. I had finally admitted to myself that I was not fine, so I took the right steps to get myself better.

Ever since, I’ve reached an important step in my personal growth. The new me speaks up more in social situations and has gained the confidence needed to continue to do so; I stopped caring so much what people think about me. I finally decided on a major in my sophomore year, and even walked on to the softball team. I started to be easier on others because just as I am not perfect, neither is anyone else and we all deserve second chances. I learned not to worry about my past or my future, and to simply live in the here and now. I realized that it is okay to make a mistake (or two) because no one is perfect and redemption is always a possibility. It’s still a struggle, but I have learned how to love myself and the life that I live.

So here is to new beginnings. For me (and many others), it’s social anxiety, but for the next person it may be OCD or an eating disorder. Mental health is so important and positive support and encouragement from others makes it that much easier to cope. Be kind and ask a stranger how their day is; they might be masking their insecurities and need a little boost to keep going.