When I was in 18, I wanted nothing more than to become a teacher in a small town and marry by 21. I wanted to live a simple life and watch as the next generation takes on the world.
At 19 I wanted the same life, but college was beginning to blur my plans. I began to question who I was and who I wanted to be. I was being taught about a million fights happening out in the world by a billion people.
Close to the end of my 19th year, I wanted nothing more than my world to stop. There was nothing I wanted. The thought of marriage became frightening. What if I married the wrong person? And how can I sit by and watch the next generation try to make a living when I have already given up.
By 20 I was completely discouraged. I broke down and sought helped. To the rest of the world, no one saw anything wrong. I looked like a girl taking a part-time job to pay for college. I was but what people didn't see was that I hated gender assumptions. I was working as a full-time employee for part-time money and no benefits and I was paying to sit in university classes but had no money to spend on myself or my pets.
I am 21 now and I have been for a while. I noticed a couple of things I didn't at 20. The people around me aren't bad people but they aren't good friends. I can't cook more than 2 meals and I have never been so unhealthy in my life. I use to run miles and beat records and now I can't ride a bike for 10 minutes without running out of breath.
I have a new plan for how I want my life to go and I have a plan to achieve it. I want to fall in love, not get married. If marriage is in the cards for me then I expect a ring on my finger at 30. I want to graduate with my B.S in Journalism and write editorial for magazines that inspire the next generation to be whoever the fuck they want to be. And lastly, I want to become so independent in so many aspects of my life that I can afford to care for everyone I love.
I want to care for as many animals as possible and give them all the proper care they deserve. I want my kids (if I have any) to have every chance available to them and be who they are. I want to be the vegan earth lover I want to be and not push my lifestyle on anyone. I want to follow God and still stand up for a woman's right to have abortions. I want to live in harmony without having to live an "it's all-or-nothing" life.
But right now all I can do is live my life as best as I can. To volunteer, work, and play. I want to love everything around me. From the trees in the woods to the dogs at shelters and hopefully, find love along the way. And I want to learn every day. Learning from textbooks or learning how to drive on a highway. I want to live, love and learn but most importantly I want to grow.
