So this weekend, the first weekend where Iowa didn't have a home game, My friends and I decided to celebrate a Birthday. We had friends from UNI come to Iowa City for the weekend and we immediately initiated our festivities of... What's my age again? Oh, right. 23. Anyways, the night begins early with Birthday pitchers at a pretty well known bar revolving around sports and columns of some sort. But who knows, right? Who really knows? We begin to start feeling very loose and giggly. I drink a lot of water because I can't drink. Yeah, I know. F*ck me, right? But anyway, I have this strange urge to separate. I feel compelled to leave the bar I'm at and walk. At this point, the water I've indulged has got me feeling quite happy and connecting. I walk down the ped mall area where the socializing seems to be at its utmost highest. There are food stands with the most unhealthy desires that only people under the influence could have stumbled upon. I walk past a little convenience store and ponder the idea of buying cigarettes. Nah, I think. Cigarettes are for losers. But I smoke cigarettes. So I'm kind of a loser.
As I turn the corner of the street I'm on, a girl with a very unique clothing style is in front of me. In her hand is a cigarette. She has black punk leggings on which connect to a cute little skirt. She has a darker colored theme shirt on with a bit of belly button showing. Her hair is brunette but a lighter brunette. She has a freckle above her lip but slightly to the right. Like that Marilyn Monroe piercing many girls get. But in this case, it isn't a piercing, it's natural. So it catches my attention. As I'm guilty of scanning this female, I realize she's crying. She's also looking towards the street while so many people and interactions are occurring on the other side. I stop. I look at her and think of something to say, my focus is on why she's crying but I also understand that it can be strange to a woman for a man to just simply stop walking in front of her. I ask her if she has another cigarette I can bum from her. She looks at me and her eyes carry so much pain. They catch me off guard. She responds genuinely with "I only have 1 left." I follow with compliance and understanding but due to my state of immense happiness, she doesn't think I'm being genuine. So she pulls her pack of cigarettes out to show me she has one left. I simply ask myself why she has to prove something to me because I'm simply a stranger to her. I have this weird impulsive thought in my head and grab her hand. She's confused. I tell her to follow me. I noticed she enjoyed American Spirits so told her I'd buy her a pack, take a cigarette, and then leave. She is even more confused. As I lead her, I turn back around and look at her and simply say, "Don't worry about what I'm doing. I just want you to know there are good people in this world and that good things happen for no reason." She then stops moving and places her hand out. She tells me her name is Anne. We shake hands and then I buy her the cigarettes from the convenience store.
We sit on a bench still remaining embellished within the primal state of Iowa City and its downtown area. People walk past; some are drunk, some are sober, some are walking their dogs. As we sit on this bench, I don't feel that uncomfortable. The conversation is easy and then I ultimately find out that this day is her birthday. And that essentially everyone in her family either forgot or didn't care. And then I find out that the day itself has been miserable for her. I stop talking and listen to her as she smashes her bottle of emotions. We talk about deeper level content to a point where I feel very interested in the topic of conversation. She then asks me if I am awake. This catches me off guard but I say yes. She proceeds this with another question, this time being rhetorical. "You know how we live in a matrix, right?" I just nod my head. She then hits me with the realest sh*t I think I've ever been hit with in my life.
"You are given two decisions in life. Machina A: You live an amazing life with much happiness and endless joy but those who you surround yourself with suffer immensely. When you die, you do not remember the decision you made. Machina B: You live a miserable life full of suffering but those around you live amazing lives with lots of love and happiness. When you die, you do not remember your decision. Which do you choose?"
F*ck.
I sat there and looked from her eyes to the scenery in front of me. I paused and truly thought about what she asked me. I slid my palms against my pants and gave the most natural response I could of.
"I was 20 when I first got my heart broken. I was young. I'm still kind of young. But I will never forget that feeling of emptiness. I will never forget waking up during that time and constantly searching for my heart. I have sitting alone in that dark time and thinking of the self loathing and the limitations it set on myself. I remember not having anyone. My friends, even my family. They all had their own battles to fight but even then, I was selfish because I spited them for not being there for me. I was young. I was so immature. But if we fast forward and enter time currently, I am happy. I am thankful. But I also learned. I learned so much from that experience. It made taught me so much about life and it helped me become a man. I would choose Machina B however, because I know what that misery feels like already. And for me to place that on others would be the biggest sin anyone could ever do."
She sat there and just stared into my eyes. There was something there. I followed my decision with another decision.
"Look, Anne. I know you don't know me and I know this is crazy but life is about the little things. And today, it's your birthday. My birthday was earlier this month and it sucked. I know how it feels to a have an awful birthday. So I'm gonna spend the rest of this day or however long you want me to stay with you, and I'm gonna make this birthday as awesome as I can."
And then she kissed me.
