Stop Listening To Win, And Start Listening To Understand Because Conversations Are Not Competitions

Stop Listening To Win, And Start Listening To Understand Because Conversations Are Not Competitions

Go the extra mile when having conversations with others and you’ll form deeper connections that will last forever.


You're listening to someone tell a story. It's a great story, so full of detail about their most recent encounter with the cutest puppy that they have ever seen. They go on and on about the puppy and their day, and the series of events that led them to that exact moment. However, the second they mention 'puppy', your mind tunes out. You remember a story related to theirs in which YOU had the same encounter with an even CUTER puppy! So, when they finish their story, you are finally able to let it all out and grace them with the ability to listen to your encounter also.

This isn't necessarily a bad thing. And we all do it. It's just that this is called listening to win, and it is the opposite of listening to understand.

I learned about this concept today at a conference held for orientation leaders. More often than not, we listen to others talk and somehow, one way or another, end up making the conversation about ourselves. Yet, through a conscious effort, we will be able to talk to people on a deeper level. If we listen intently to our friends, family, strangers, etc. while speaking to them, then we will be able to connect to them more. We will be able to learn more and feel the depth of human connection more as well. When we listen with genuine curiosity, we are able to show others that we care and that we truly are interested in what they have to say.

Start to ask deeper questions. Don't just ask someone how their day was with the sole purpose of wanting them to ask you about your day in return. Ask them how their day was, but dig deeper. Go the extra mile when forming deep connections and reaching out to others.

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20 Phrases All Roommates Say To Each Other

Some common phrases all roommates have said to each other at some point.

1. Do I have to go to class?

2. When do you have class today?

3. Want to get lunch before your next class?

4. Do you think I need to wash my hair? I can’t tell if it’s greasy.

5. What’s the weather? I don’t know what to wear.

6. Are you going out tonight?

7. What should I wear tonight?

8. Can I borrow a shirt?

9. We have to watch *insert Netflix show here*.

10. Want to order in dinner tonight?

11. We have to take a cute picture tonight so I can Instagram.

12. Is this a good caption for my Instagram? How’s the edit?

13. Ok I instagrammed … go like and comment.

14. We should probably clean our room soon.

15. Can I borrow your *insert random item here*

16. I’m so hungry.

17. I think it’s time to do our laundry.

18. I’m going to start eating healthy and go to the gym more.

19. The dining hall menu is so bad today.

20. Thanks for being my best friend.

Cover Image Credit: Author's photo

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An Open Letter To The Friend Who Continues To Save My Life

No one knows me like you do.


From the day we became friends, we have always had nothing but support for one another. Although we have only really been friends for about seven years now, I feel as if you have always been a part of my life. You know me just as well as you know yourself, and I understand you in the same way I understand my own thoughts and feelings.

You have never made me feel pressured, insecure, or unappreciated. The mutual respect we have for one another is unmatched. We can talk to each other about anything; from some of the most trivial topics to entire life philosophies. We have grown and matured together, and I couldn't be more proud of the person you are today.

We don't always agree on everything, and I always appreciate your fresh point of view, but I have never felt more in sync with another person than I do with you. We share the same birth month, the same age, the same home town, the same anxieties, and many of the same attitudes and values.

I feel as if you know exactly when I want to be alone and when I need company. Since we are both introverted, we understand that the other person needs time to recharge. And when I'm sitting alone with nothing to do, I always get a text from you asking to hang out.

In some of my loneliest, most vulnerable moments, you have been there. When I question how many true friends I really have, you are always sure to make your love for me known.

Through high school, and now college, we have experienced so many life-changing events together. Some that have taught us extremely valuable lessons, and others that have shown us incredible pain and how to grow from our lowest moments.

I want to thank you for showing me what life-long friendship looks like. Thank you for always understanding me and never putting too much pressure on me. I see an incredible future for both of us no matter where each of our lives takes us.

We will always share a unique connection that cannot be separated by any distance. But, for now, I'm glad you're only one text or phone call away.

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