When people ask me how I'm doing I usually tell them that everything is, "just fine." In reality, these past few years at college have not been easy. I've changed my major more than three times, I've had fallout when it comes to some of my personal relationships and I've had to spend time alone to discover my insecurities and combat them head on.
Every facet of my life had to be torn apart and pieced back together. For many of us, our formative years, including college, is the time we should be having the most fun but it becomes very apparent that, while many of us can breeze through this time in our lives unscathed, there are others who face every obstacle and hardship imaginable, all while trying to work and maintain a certain GPA to ensure the loans and grants they need to survive keep coming in every year. I fall into this latter group.
Like so many other young people my age, we have to bare the burden of keeping our lives afloat in a world that is trying to trip us up with every step we take. I've gone through college with little parental guidance, a first generation college student struggling to juggle all aspects of life without letting one drop out of the rotation. If anything, I have learned how being humble and accepting that I know very little about how the world works has been the greatest test. I was failing that test for a long time, fumbling about in the dark looking for the light switch. Eventually, I did find it but not without some scars to show for my effort.
I slowly started to spiral into a pessimistic view of the world. Then one day, very recently, I read this quote:
“Sometimes to self-discover you must self-destruct.”
- Robert Drake
I came to a realization, self-discovery takes self-destruction. A forest will grow back twice as large after a forest fire than in it's previous state of equilibrium. Life has a funny way of presenting solutions to problems. It may not be the solution you want but it will certainly be the solution you need. After self-destructing I have rediscovered who I am. I realize now that it's okay to not have my life together quite yet. That everything is going to be okay. That things get better.
I used to think I was alone in all of this. That the cards dealt to me were there to spite me. Then I understood that it's completely random. The only choice I do have is how I play my hand. I intend to play smart but take risks. I keep telling myself that things will get better and if you haven't started already, you should do the same. It doesn't take much to let things spiral out of control. Our attitude seals our fate and I am here to tell you and you must listen, things will get better. Everything will be okay. You've got this.
