All of my friends and family are laughing after reading that title. They just know. Look at the picture -- there are not children in it (also, the only pictures of kids I have are my cousins, and I don't feel right posting he/she's picture on the internet for the world to see).
You could hand me a child to hold at a baby shower, and I will just pass it onto the next person in the circle. You could ask me to babysit your toddlers, but you will end up with two muddy kids and a clean house because I didn’t know what to do with them and resorted to dusting.
I really don’t know what it is. I’ve grown up around babies and toddlers and children my whole life. I’m the second-oldest grandkid on my mom’s side. I’ve held almost all of my cousins and watched them grow up. Still, I don’t like kids. It’s not that I think they are spawns of the devil or I just refuse to be around them. It's not like I don't try to like them. I don’t know what to do with myself. Put a dog in front of me, and I’ll keep it entertained until it falls asleep. Put a baby in front of me, and I’ll just make sure it doesn’t put anything in its mouth. I’m sure someone reading this right now is thinking, “That’s all you have to do!” Yeah, so explain to me why they always cry or throw temper tantrums when they’re around me?
Oh, here’s another one. Friends will show me videos of babies giggling, kids being “cute,” a baby doing something, etc. Whatever. When I look at it, I don’t think it’s adorable. I just see a tiny human being with birthday cake all over its face. I don’t see a cute, chubby-wubby little baby cooing. Calm down, ladies. It’s just a messy kid.
I could blame it on being introverted. Right now, my mother is scoffing. Being an introvert does not mean you are antisocial. It means you don’t like being in crowds, in large groups of people where you don’t know anyone. You don’t like initiating conversations. You’re better at communicating in writing than spoken word. Seriously, Mom? I’m an author! I’m not here to give an introvert lesson, though.
I have no trouble communicating with people from other cultures, but put a toddler in front of me, and I’ll start speaking to it like it’s a dog. “You found the blue circle on the page! Good boy!” Usually, the dog thing works well, but at the same time I’m thinking to myself: I’m speaking to a human like it is an animal. That can’t be good for development. I know enough about psychology to know that you shouldn’t talk to a child like it’s a dog. It’ll start thinking it’s a dog, and then it’ll become feral, and the parents will go blaming it on me. Okay, maybe not to that extreme, but you get my point.
Someone right now is reading this and thinking, “Well, if you hate kids so much, don’t have any.” Boy, if I haven’t heard that one before. Clarification: I never said I hate them. I just don’t know what to do with them when I am around them. It’s like every person in this world is hard-wired with a How to Handle/Act Around/Understand/Communicate With Small Children manual, and my wires got cut. It’s not like I don't try to make babies laugh, or try to keep little kids out of trouble, I just don’t know how to do it. Being a female, this freaks me out. It makes me wonder, what if there's something wrong with me?
That's what scares me about the whole situation. I'd love to have my own family one day, but I keep telling everyone I'm just going to adopt a dog instead so I don't sound like a hypocrite. I'm in college. Girls around me are talking about families. I'm still trying to figure out where I'm going to live when I graduate. Also, there's that whole situation of, if I do have kids someday, what if it turns out I'm really not meant to be a mother, and this was all just some sign telling me that?
So, do I want kids? Maybe. I don’t know yet. That's my answer. Right now, I’m at a point in my life where I want to focus on myself, figure out where I am going, and worry about a family later. Right now, I’ve got more family than I could ever ask for. Even though some of them are still kids, I love them.
