Life With A LDR (Long Distance Relationship)

Life With A LDR (Long Distance Relationship)

“The scary thing about distance is you don't know whether they'll miss you or forget you.” - "The Notebook"

Long distance relationships take a lot of adjustment and sometimes they don't always work. They require a lot of time and commitment even though you don't see your partner as much. If you are used to seeing your significant other almost every day of the week or even something close to that then turning it into a long distance relationship and seeing them every weekend at best is going to be a huge shock. It isn’t as hard of a transition for some people because they may have done it in the past, but for first timers (like me) it does take a lot of getting used to.

Of course everyone has heard the horror stories of couples breaking up because one or both of them just don’t feel the same way they did in the beginning or the absolute worst would be when someone cheats and you don’t know about it because you aren’t there. There are a lot of things that can happen, but these are just the worst case scenarios.

Best case scenario is that you make the long distance work while you have to and that makes your relationship stronger because it makes you have to trust them. If you don’t trust them then it really will never work. Long distance doesn’t have to mean an unhappy ending.

Of course there are going to be a decent amount of cons to having your relationship be tested by distance, but there are a lot of pros also especially if you’re in college.

One of the better things about being in a long distance relationship would have to be that you have a lot more time to focus on your school work when you’re not together and more time to just spend with them when you actually are. Personally I don’t want to spend time doing homework when I could be just relaxing or going out to do something.

Going off of that point though, one of the cons is that you feel like you have to make sure every moment is great and never boring. Since you don’t normally see them you assume that you shouldn’t just relax and do nothing all day because you can do that when you aren’t together. This isn’t necessarily true for everyone, but for some it is especially when you only see your significant other maybe once a month because they live much farther than a simple drive away.

Once you see your partner in person you feel happy and rejuvenated, which is one of the pros of a long distance relationship. When you are so used to seeing someone so often you don’t realize how much you can miss them when they aren’t actually there. So when you finally see them it feels like a breath of fresh air and like nothing has even changed. You may even feel slightly inclined to jump into their arms, I vote go for it.

The downside to this is that when you or your significant other has to leave again you feel sad and like something is missing. You of course don’t want to go back to your everyday lifestyle because that means classes, homework, and downtime where all you can do is think about how stressed you are and that you wish your partner was there to make you feel better. Then of course all you can think about is when you’re going to see them next, but that’s a pro within a con: you get to see them again.

What I’ve realized is that since I have been in a long distance relationship is that I have gotten a lot more sleep. I’m not sure if this is true for others, but since I no longer do much on school nights besides clubs, homework, and seeing my friends I get to go to sleep whenever I want. There is no having to wake up at a certain time because your partner has class even when you don’t. You also don’t hang out with them and all their friends until midnight when you have an 8:15 in the morning (sort of a con within a pro).

Sometimes the distance can create too much of a gap within the relationship. By this I mean that you don’t always know what they’re doing in their life unless they feel like telling you. A lot of the time there are conversations that start off with “oh I didn’t know that happened” and the other saying “I thought I told you about this.” This can make you feel sort of left out of what’s going on in their life and can unfortunately cause a fight regarding not knowing your partner anymore.

Some of these cons can be avoided or mended though! Some tips I have are to try to talk as much as you can whether that is over the phone or texting, surprise your partner sometimes with something small, if you have a girlfriend I would suggest giving them an article of clothing such as a sweatshirt that you wear often, and finally just try to visit them as much as you can/can afford.

While it can be sad and frustrating a times to miss someone, you’ll find that you are most likely able to handle it in the end. It just takes a little adjustment. I suggest keeping yourself distracted with things like joining a club, attending social events, study, and be with your friends! Your friends will be able to cheer you right up and get you preoccupied.

“Absence makes the heart grows fonder, doesn't it?” – Simon Van Booy

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If Your Man Isn't Obsessed With You, Find You A New Man

Know your worth and move on.

OK, so maybe "obsessed isn't the right word," because personally, I am not trying to deal with some Edward Cullen, Mr. Grey or stalker shit (in real life, not as romantic as it sounds I'm sure). It is important to spend quality alone time, and not have a controlling, together 24/7 relationship because, trust me, I too am trying to lay on my bed, wrapped in a towel in solitude, after a shower, and watch three hours worth of baby sloth YouTube videos.

However, in a dating world full of swipe rights and double taps as flirting, it's hard not to settle for less than we should be receiving. Myself included, and my most beautiful, golden, "the-sunshines-follows-them-when-they-walk" friends, have settled for guys that treat them way less than mediocre. Perhaps we don't even apprehend what we are doing. Like in "Perks of Being a Wallflower," they say "we accept the love we think we deserve."

For example, you and your new guy hit it off pretty well at your first lunch date, and now you've entered an exciting, yet slightly anxious "talking stage." Now you're grabbing froyo with your gal pal and you're filling her in on your new guy. You tell her about your date, how great, funny, smart he is and how well things are going.

Two or maybe three weeks later, you and your friend catch up again. She hears all about the same guy, and but there's a sticky situation, a little doubt in your mind present: "Do you think he likes me?" When the initial nerve-racking, yet giddy talking stage is over, you and your new guy may be more comfortable with each other. Maybe you're both trying to establish if this is going to go any further or if it ends here.

However, by this point, the two paths should be clear and concise. "Maybe he is bad at texting?" Sure, no one has to be up each other's butts all day and ending the millennials' phone addiction isn't a bad thing, but if he isn't responding to your plans or seeing how your day was at all — he just isn't that into you. "He told me he is really spontaneous, he hates sticking to plans.."

Yeah, I love getting vanilla ice cream cones down by the beach at 2 a.m. too, but if he bails on your date 30 minutes before to hang with his friends — he just doesn't care. The harsh truth, believe me, I know, but if you're wondering if he likes you, time to ditch. If he likes you, you'll know. If you're worth his time, he will make the effort. If he cares, he will wish you Merry Christmas, or good luck on your exam. And if not, don't ask yourself the question, "does he like me" but instead ask, "what's not to like?" His loss, move on and accept you deserve better.

The first step to finding genuine, true love is knowing your worth.

Don't settle for 3 a.m. texts.

Don't go over to his apartment when he hasn't answered you all day. Tell him to take the 10-minute drive to yours, instead of going to his place every night. If he doesn't want to? I guess he didn't want to see you that much.

Don't settle for a someone who keeps calling it on and off just because they "aren't sure" if you're the one — instead, realize they aren't the one for you.

I am not concurring that we all need to be demanding, interrogating, bossy, narcissistic or high maintenance at all. In fact, this goes both ways, guys should know their worth too.

Don't accept any guy that will play with your feelings, hurt you in a vicious, endless cycle, or treat you anything less than how you would want to be treated. A relationship goes both ways. You are equals. If your man is obsessed with you, he will want to make you smile. He will know the value of spending time together, but also giving you your space and time apart.

Love is patient and love is kind. Love should energize you and make you feel alive, not drain you of who you are. Love is understanding of mistakes and knows we are only human. Love is sacrifice and knowing there is any other person out there whose happiness is just as important as there own.

So if you're second-guessing if he's into you, if he is genuine, if he is putting in the effort, then tell that boy "bye," and as Beyoncé would say, "Partner, let me upgrade you."

Cover Image Credit: Olivia DeLucia

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13 Changes Every Girl Experiences When They Go From Single To Cuffed

1. Answering my phone

Different relationships bring different changes to life.

Whether it's gaining a best friend or a boyfriend, everyone needs to adjust to start including this new person into their life. For me, I never expected to get a boyfriend in college, but now that I'm here I've had to make those adjustments and learn what it's like to be in a relationship with someone.

Some of the changes were expected, like having to go out to dinner, but some were a little more subtle.

1. Answering my phone.

Anyone that texts me knows that I am probably one of the worst texters ever. I'm extremely guilty of being one of those "oh I'll read this now but respond in a minute" texters, but then never actually responding because I get too distracted. This habit isn't exactly great when I forget to answer my boyfriend's texts for an hour...

2. Scheduling my week.

Knowing my week ahead of time has actually made me a better planner, but it's been weird trying to schedule in plans with my boyfriend because, well, I've never had to do that before. I obviously enjoy spending time with him or going out to dinner together, but it's just an added step in my week.

3. Not worrying about who my date will be to functions.

Not panicking about who I'm going to ask or whether or not it'll be weird if I get set up is honestly such a relief.

4. Spending money on gifts.

I guess holiday season is cuffing season for a reason, right? Spending money on gifts definitely made a dent to my bank account, but it was worth it.

5. Trying to find the right gift.

Honestly, what do guys even want? A wallet? Cologne? A jersey? I'm horrible in this department and my boyfriend's answer of "Anything will be nice," really doesn't help my indecisive mind.

6. Opening up and actually expressing emotions.

I'm a big fan of putting up an emotional wall and letting no one cross it, even though I know that's not exactly the best practice. But, getting a boyfriend has forced me to (reluctantly) start to open up to someone else and not keep my thoughts trapped in my mind, which has admittedly helped me in the long run.

7. You see different sides of their friends

Now that I'm officially dating my boyfriend, I obviously see his friends more than before. I think they've started accepting me in some sort of way, because hearing their stories and seeing what actually goes on in their friend group is eye-opening in so many weird ways.

8. Creating a balance between friends and boyfriend

Sometimes it's hard to find time to breathe let alone make plans with my best friends and my boyfriend. Finding this balance is harder at some times than others, but both parties understand if I can't be with them for a night.

9. Some things get way more fun when you do them together

Watching a funny movie? Driving around and singing horribly together? Making fun of that other couple that's sitting on the same side of the booth? Much funnier.

10. Watching people's reactions when you tell them you're dating someone

My friends literally thought I was joking when I told them for the first time and started laughing.

11. Having someone to tag in funny memes about psycho girlfriends

I can tag my boyfriend so he can see how lucky he is that I'm sooo much less psycho than everyone else!!! I'd highly recommend.

12. Suddenly remembering that your S.O. doesn't know all of the weird sh*t from your past... like high school.

This is dangerous territory. I thought I was done going through this when my roommate found my embarrassing Facebook pics freshman year, but I guess not.

13. Having big sweatshirts to wear!!

I waited a solid amount of time before breaking the news to my boyfriend that he wasn't getting his sweatshirt back. Even though he still complains, I think he knows I won that battle.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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