Life With A LDR (Long Distance Relationship)

Life With A LDR (Long Distance Relationship)

“The scary thing about distance is you don't know whether they'll miss you or forget you.” - "The Notebook"
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Long distance relationships take a lot of adjustment and sometimes they don't always work. They require a lot of time and commitment even though you don't see your partner as much. If you are used to seeing your significant other almost every day of the week or even something close to that then turning it into a long distance relationship and seeing them every weekend at best is going to be a huge shock. It isn’t as hard of a transition for some people because they may have done it in the past, but for first timers (like me) it does take a lot of getting used to.

Of course everyone has heard the horror stories of couples breaking up because one or both of them just don’t feel the same way they did in the beginning or the absolute worst would be when someone cheats and you don’t know about it because you aren’t there. There are a lot of things that can happen, but these are just the worst case scenarios.

Best case scenario is that you make the long distance work while you have to and that makes your relationship stronger because it makes you have to trust them. If you don’t trust them then it really will never work. Long distance doesn’t have to mean an unhappy ending.

Of course there are going to be a decent amount of cons to having your relationship be tested by distance, but there are a lot of pros also especially if you’re in college.

One of the better things about being in a long distance relationship would have to be that you have a lot more time to focus on your school work when you’re not together and more time to just spend with them when you actually are. Personally I don’t want to spend time doing homework when I could be just relaxing or going out to do something.

Going off of that point though, one of the cons is that you feel like you have to make sure every moment is great and never boring. Since you don’t normally see them you assume that you shouldn’t just relax and do nothing all day because you can do that when you aren’t together. This isn’t necessarily true for everyone, but for some it is especially when you only see your significant other maybe once a month because they live much farther than a simple drive away.

Once you see your partner in person you feel happy and rejuvenated, which is one of the pros of a long distance relationship. When you are so used to seeing someone so often you don’t realize how much you can miss them when they aren’t actually there. So when you finally see them it feels like a breath of fresh air and like nothing has even changed. You may even feel slightly inclined to jump into their arms, I vote go for it.

The downside to this is that when you or your significant other has to leave again you feel sad and like something is missing. You of course don’t want to go back to your everyday lifestyle because that means classes, homework, and downtime where all you can do is think about how stressed you are and that you wish your partner was there to make you feel better. Then of course all you can think about is when you’re going to see them next, but that’s a pro within a con: you get to see them again.

What I’ve realized is that since I have been in a long distance relationship is that I have gotten a lot more sleep. I’m not sure if this is true for others, but since I no longer do much on school nights besides clubs, homework, and seeing my friends I get to go to sleep whenever I want. There is no having to wake up at a certain time because your partner has class even when you don’t. You also don’t hang out with them and all their friends until midnight when you have an 8:15 in the morning (sort of a con within a pro).

Sometimes the distance can create too much of a gap within the relationship. By this I mean that you don’t always know what they’re doing in their life unless they feel like telling you. A lot of the time there are conversations that start off with “oh I didn’t know that happened” and the other saying “I thought I told you about this.” This can make you feel sort of left out of what’s going on in their life and can unfortunately cause a fight regarding not knowing your partner anymore.

Some of these cons can be avoided or mended though! Some tips I have are to try to talk as much as you can whether that is over the phone or texting, surprise your partner sometimes with something small, if you have a girlfriend I would suggest giving them an article of clothing such as a sweatshirt that you wear often, and finally just try to visit them as much as you can/can afford.

While it can be sad and frustrating a times to miss someone, you’ll find that you are most likely able to handle it in the end. It just takes a little adjustment. I suggest keeping yourself distracted with things like joining a club, attending social events, study, and be with your friends! Your friends will be able to cheer you right up and get you preoccupied.

“Absence makes the heart grows fonder, doesn't it?” – Simon Van Booy

Cover Image Credit: marcellapurnama.com

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Just Because I Check My Boyfriend's Location Every Hour Doesn't Make Me A 'Psycho Girlfriend'

No, checking his location every hour does not make me psycho.
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My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a few months now. He has come up with describing my actions sometimes as “psycho girlfriend.” As much as this bothered me at first I started to realize there is nothing wrong with my “psycho” actions.

I don’t monitor who my boyfriend hangs out with and I don’t care who he texts, I trust him, but I do watch other things he does.

I probably check his location about once an hour, maybe more if he isn’t texting me back.

This isn’t some way for me to find out if he is with another girl, it’s so I can ensure he isn’t dead in a ditch somewhere. If he was on Snapchat five minutes ago but hasn’t texted me back in 45 minutes, yeah I’ll call him out on it but I'm not actually mad. If he is with friends and not answering me, it’s cool. I just want to be able to make sure I know where he is and that he is alive on a regular basis.

I make him keep his read receipts on for me.

I don’t care if he leaves me on read, I just need to know he is seeing what I’m saying. Half the time, I text him random facts or thoughts I have throughout my day, those don’t always need a response back. However, I do want to know he is acknowledging me through reading my texts.

Yes, from time to time I will spam him and make him respond to my messages so we can make plans or I can know what he is doing with his day but it’s not like I plan out his every move for him or care if he is getting drunk with the boys on a Wednesday, not my issue.

I don’t ask for all of his time or anything. I know he is a busy person. All I ask for him to text me back on a regular basis (once an hour to be exact), for him to allow for me to know where he is at all times and to get one night a week with him.

I don’t plan to show up where he is or anything, I simply just like to know information and get a weekly time with him. I don’t care if I only see him that one night a week, I just want one night with a movie or dinner or snuggles so I can get my boyfriend time.

The rest of the time he is his own person, and I couldn’t really care less about what he does in that time.

Cover Image Credit: Grace Wilkowski

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Sometimes Ghosting Is Actually Necessary, So Don't Let It Haunt You

There will be times in your life where cutting people off is the only option.
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Recently I had read an article basically stating that "ghosting" is a form of emotional abuse.

To a certain extent, I can agree with this statement.

I personally wouldn't call it "abuse," but I know from personal experience how painful and damaging it can be to have someone who once had your soul just start ignoring you out of nowhere.

It can leave the person on the receiving end pondering their actions and thinking, "Where did it all go wrong? Was it something I said?"

However, as someone who has been both the "ghostee" and the "ghoster," I can safely say that sometimes ghosting others is the only way to handle the situation.

For example, I made friends with someone in high school that I should not have been friends with.

This person was the definition of toxic, and it got to the point where I could not take it anymore. For almost two years, I was controlled, gaslighted, manipulated, talked down to, abused, etc.

Once I decided to try (and ultimately fail) to call it quits, the manipulation and gaslighting got worse.

I decided to text them and explain to them why I could no longer have them in my life.

After multiple rumors being spread about me and numerous middle fingers thrown my way as we passed each other in the hallway, they somehow managed to worm themselves back into my life, claiming that they had changed.

They had not changed.

Fast forward to my last year in high school. They had already graduated, but they remained at home with their family, which was two blocks away from my house.

Therefore, ignoring them was still nearly impossible.

After reaching my breaking point for the second time, I decided that my first attempt at closure was not going to work.

I decided that ignoring them completely was the way to go.

For months, the text messages did not stop. They saw that I had read the messages; they wanted to get my attention.

There were plenty of times where I wanted to respond, but I knew that's what they wanted from me. Any kind of response was a positive response to them.

I held my ground as long as I could, but then the messages became manipulative and threatening once more.

For the sake of my own sanity (which I barely had left), I had to block their number.

Once I did that, I felt so free! I could finally breathe again!

I could finally focus on my healthy friendships rather than dwelling on a friendship that was the equivalent of drinking poison.

You are allowed to remove people from your life. You are allowed to cut people off with no explanation.

Ghosting isn't always a bad thing. Yes, it can hurt like Hades when you're the receiver, but think about what's going on with the person on the other end.

Sometimes you just have to end it with people. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

Cover Image Credit: Becca Tapert

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