The other day, I had a professor approach me and ask how I was. I answered with the typical "I'm well, and how are you?". He looked me in the eye and said, "No, how are YOU?". Now this, for me, is a pretty difficult question to answer. There are so many aspects to my life that I can't really give a straight answer to that question. So I just gave a half smile and said "I'm doing alright." because what else could I say? My life isn't 100% awesome and there's a lot of negativity swimming through my days. But, I always say I'm fine anyways. Again, he looked at me with a sincere worry and said "Well how is life affecting school?" and this piqued my intrigue. How have I been letting my life affect college?
I started thinking about my day to day routine. When I'm in class, I am 100% focused minus the occasional text message or Facebook notification. I'm not thinking about the fact that I have to stay an hour away from my daughter. I'm not thinking about being stood up 4 times in 2 weeks. I'm not thinking about how broke I am. I'm just thinking about the class. About the education. When I'm in choir, I'm focused on the music and that takes me to another world. I started realizing that I tend to keep my outside life and my classroom life very separate. And I started to wonder - is this a good thing? Should we keep our personal life out of education?
As a music major, we are supposed to put our heart and soul into our music. So I am very used to thinking that I am putting my whole past into every note I sing. But then I thought again - if I'm singing a song about a "cloudless day", I'm not thinking about all the times I've been hit in my life. I'm not thinking about all the heartbreak I've experienced. I'm thinking about all the positive things in my life. I'm thinking about finding my true family at SCarowinds. I'm thinking about all the hard work I'm putting in to eventually provide a great life for my daughter. So, in this respect, am I still keeping my life separate from my "schoolwork" (since my time at Wingate and my time in the choir room is technically schoolwork) or am I only allowing part of myself to be involved? And, furthermore, should I work harder to put more of myself into my work or to keep myself completely separated?
All of this thought sparked from a simple question - "How are YOU?". And now, the only way I can think to answer is "I don't know". Because I genuinely don't know anymore. I am personally falling apart with every second that passes. But my classes are great and school is going just fine. So, to anybody who reads this, I want you to think. How are YOU?
