Now that I have recently finished my junior year of high school, I am left with a confusing array of emotions of which I have no idea how to navigate or fully understand. I am happy, sure. This year was difficult, and a brief break in madness is always appreciated, but the sea of calmness I currently find myself in isn't serene, it's a warning. There is always a calm before the storm. I know these next few weeks will fly by and soon I'll be starting my senior year of hell full of applications and begging for financial aid. I know that my senior friends who have been cast to the wolves will be left scrambling to find a purpose and a plan for the rest of their lives. Many will have some tough growing up to do. I know I certainly will.
But, to get back on topic, I've decided since looking ahead for me is much to stressful that I would take some time to look to my past and admire my growth. This year, more than any other, I have been painfully aware of my immaturity. I have had life's mirror forced into my face and have been demanded over and over to face my identity, my purpose, and many of my faults. For the first time in my life, I was called out on my pride, my stubbornness, my know-it-all attitude and arrogance. It is easy in these times to get discouraged (obviously). No one wants to be reminded or made aware of their shortcomings, but I am eternally grateful that someone was brave enough to tell me mine. Progress is not easy. No one has ever claimed it is. I spent many long, solemn nights reflecting on who I was and what I wanted to be. I thought that my identity could be simply defined as a happy-go-lucky honor student with a clear plan for the future who was loved by all. I was wrong. As it turns out, you will encounter people who you'll never be able to make happy, or that you'll never be able to be friends with, and you'll try and try but nothing you do will work. You'll spend a great amount of time asking yourself why that is, and why sometimes the most important person to you in your small corner of the universe couldn't care less about you. It is vital in these moments to accept that you can't make everyone happy, and maybe to even inquire as to why you can't. Sometimes that person can tell you some of the most hard to swallow truths of your life. Don't be mad when that person tells you why; not at them, and not at yourself, not at anyone. Accept it. Adapt to it. Move on. Even when it feels impossible, move on.
Cherish your friends: the ones you're close to and the ones you are not. Call them. Text them. Send them a meme (if your like me). Give them some sort of validation that you still care. They won't find it weird. They'll be grateful. Stay up late at your friend's house laughing over stupid crap that you can't even remember now. You might not remember what was said, but you'll always remember how you felt. Listen to new music, it can be your friend too. Don't be afraid to reach outside your comfort zone. Do things with new people that you've never done before. Race around town and blast Redbone. Actually, just listen to Redbone a lot; that song honestly never gets old. Go to homecoming with people on acid and walk around the desert with no idea of where your going. Listen to your friend's boy problems, even if they're the most ridiculous things you've ever heard and you don't understand them. Above all, love unconditionally. Love fearlessly. Be mushier with the ones you care about than a plate full of mashed potatoes. Its better to be lovey-dovey than cold. Say 'I love you' often. You can never say it enough. There might come a day where you don't mean it anymore, and that's okay. You meant it then. You lived in the moment, and now that moment is gone and you have memories that will be with you for the rest of your life. There are high-highs, and horrible lows, but sometimes its fun to live in extremes than to live the same boring emotions everyday. It will be hard, I know it, but I can't even begin to tell you how worth it is.
