You've heard of "no man's land", right? When I was a teacher, "no man's land" was always discussed when we studied World War I and trench warfare.

The dictionary defines "no man's land" as "disputed ground between the front lines or trenches of two opposing armies." But it also says that no man's land is "an indeterminate or undefined place or state." Finally, and for this blog the best definition of no man's land is "land or area that is unowned, uninhabited, or undesirable."

Area that is unowned, uninhabited, or undesirable.

That's a desolate place...and yet I think most of us spend most of our lives living in our own personal "no man's land".

Let me explain: Do you have a place...or, even better, a PERSON, with whom you can be yourself? I mean your whole, real, open and honest self? If you do, congratulations. I don't know many people who do though. I mean, people have their family selves, their work selves, their "out with friends" selves, who they are behind closed door selves, their texting or social media selves, their church selves, and the list goes on and on. We have all these masks that we are forced, or choose, to wear day in and day out.

And it can be exhausting.

So why do we choose to live this way? I can't speak for anyone but me, but I'll say that my reasons are mostly out of fear.

Fear? Fear of what?

Well, rejection, of course. I mean, if we put ourselves out there...and I mean our whole, real selves...we risk being rejected. But, if we figure out a way to be accepted in all of the different circles in which we run, then we don't run that risk. Makes sense, right? No one enjoys rejection and no one seeks it out. Oh sure, some folks aren't as bothered by it as much as others, but I can't imagine that anyone embraces rejection. So, there's a natural and fairly universally shared fear of rejection.

But let's go deeper still. What about us do we think people will reject? I mean, we are the ones who know our own selves the best. We know our own strengths and weaknesses. We know our own darkest secrets. We must protect all of our weirdness and other things that we think would get us rejected, ridiculed and just generally looked at in an odd way.

Simply put, we can't show these things because to do so would make us vulnerable....and being vulnerable is commonly seen as weakness. In her book The Power of Vulnerability, Brene Brown says:

"In our culture, we associate vulnerability with emotions we want to avoid such as fear, shame, and uncertainty. Yet we too often lose sight of the fact that vulnerability is also the birthplace of joy, belonging, creativity, authenticity, and love."

All that sounds great, but what if we take that risk and lose? What if we open ourselves up, show all of who we are, and the person we've chosen to show rejects us? Then what?

Then what, indeed.

I don't know the answer to that and here's why: I've never shown anyone the whole Greg. Don't judge me. I'm betting you've never shown anyone the real you either. I've even lied to myself and thought that I let people in, but, as it turns out, I still had my limit. I still had my walls. Oh sure, we have those really close friends that we let in...but only so far. I can't possibly tell anyone everything about me because then I'm vulnerable. What if they tell someone else? What if they don't like me anymore? What if they see what I see...that I'm not really who everyone thinks I am. Or who I want people to think that I am...

Our culture values strength. Our culture values courage. Being vulnerable requires both strength and courage. I think you'd agree with that too. So, if that's strong and courageous, things that are universally admired...why don't we do the strong and courageous thing and become vulnerable?

Because I choose to hide my vulnerabilities, I am choosing to live a life that isn't real. I am choosing to live on my own. I am choosing to live in "no man's land". It's "no man's land" because its "unowned (except by us), uninhabited (except by us) and undesirable (except, evidently, by us)". It's a place to where no one can reach me. No one can hurt me. It's safe.

But, if I continue that way of life, I'll always be alone.

Surely there's more to life than that. It's hard for me to even consider being vulnerable. When you start that process, you have to look at your imperfections. Do any of us like doing that? I don't. I know I'm far from perfect and once I start looking at my imperfections, that's when guilt, shame, fear and uncertainty take over. I've had people tell me that writing these blogs is brave. They've said, "I don't see how you just put yourself out there like that." I'm not going to lie...it's hard. But, for me, it's necessary. I'm a work in progress. For too long, I've just been what I thought people expected me to be or what I thought I should be. No one's been harder on their own selves than me. I don't feel worthy of much of anything...and that's a big problem. Back to Brene Brown for a minute. She says:

"Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do."

If you've read some of my past blogs, you've seen me reveal some intensely personal things. For you, it was just a story that someone shared. For me, the sharing was big...and brutal. I've cried a lot of tears just getting up the courage to write some of those things.

But there's more.

That doesn't mean that I have to write all of my problems, thoughts, and struggles in a blog. But what it does mean that I am going to learn from them, get through them and live a life where I "let go of who I think I'm supposed to be and embrace who I am."

Anyone care to join me?