Life as A Writer, but I'm not a Writer

From being a toddler until the day you're six feet under, writing and communication is part of everyday life. From being able to spread ideas at three in the morning to arguing with your parents over washing the dishes, being able to communicate means having a purpose in life and having a reason behind every neurological connection. But when your life revolves around writing and the typing of your computer or phone, the label of writer becomes one that you would think comes easily and proudly, but that's not the case for everyone.

My love for writing has always been right under the surface, fighting to get out during every tragic moment, every accomplishment, all just trying to make sense of everything that is happening in my mind. Words just come to me and allow for any and all pain and emotions to be understood and dealt with, but I've never felt like a writer. Even as I sit in my too-small bed in my room that proves I'm nothing more than a book lover, the word "writer" means more than what most people expect and I'm not sure I'm up for the challenge.

For me, being a writer means telling your story and the stories of others, the latter I don't have a problem with, it's just that first part that always has me stepping back into the shadows remembering of the first time I told my story and no one believed me. And even after I tried to tell my story the words of my pain, betrayal, hatred, and depression only grew to make sure no other little girl would have to go through what I did. So from that day on I wanted to make sure I would write about my emotions to make sure someone else knows they aren't alone, I wanted to make sure my little brother understood why his big sister was afraid to sleep at night, I wanted to make sure I knew that every word coming out of my head was perfect because it meant that every smile and tear was real and I had something to remind me of those days.

But even as I wrote those words, trying, pleading for someone to listen to what I had to say, being a writer is an obligation I wasn't ready for. I'm afraid everyday of labeling myself a writer. I'm afraid of what that would mean for my everyday life--would my friends look at me differently? Would my parents assume this is a horrible profession? Am I going to get shot down for wanting to make sure every human being gets their 15-minutes of fame to tell the world why they were brought to this world?

So no. I'm not a writer. I'm a realist, a story-teller, a ranter, a challenger, a feminist, a time-traveler. I'm everything and everyone the world refuses to listen to.