From kindergarten, we are told we should make friends. In middle school we're told we should make new friends and in High School we are supposed to have best friends.

In college we are supposed to make friends away from home that we are supposed to experience the first freedoms of adulthood with. As we grow up we are put in situations that we've never been in before, many of which require independence, without the safety net of someone else with us.

It seems like with every situation in life we either have to make friends to essentially have a life or be alone when it comes time to doing adult like things, neither of which I'm particularly good at.

I had noticed before college that I didn't like doing things alone. When I had to get one little thing at the store, I made my mom come in with me. When it was time to deposit money at the bank on my own, I made my mom do it for me.

When I went to a school sporting event, I felt awkward sitting there before my friends arrived. I'd never go to a restaurant or even a drive-thru alone because I didn't like talking to people or feeling like I was being judged simply because I was alone.

Living like that was just normal for me. I didn't feel as if there was anything different about me.

Then college started and I was suddenly living a life that was unfamiliar and strange to me.

I was told I would make tons of new friends, and that they would be even better than my ones from high school. Needless to say that didn’t happen.

Beginning in just the first few weeks, I ended up walking to class alone or eating by myself and bringing it back to my dorm.

This is really where it all began. This led to my lack of socialization skills and not trying to connect with anyone. Most people just believed I acted this way because I was shy and timid, but it went deeper than that.

I spent my free time outside of class in my room and the weekends at home, away from the people at school I ignored and had no desire to connect with. The truth is, I want to go to college and have friends to hang out with, who wouldn't?

I want to join clubs and go to events. Who would want to feel alone during practically every second of the day? When I think I've made a friend, I just end up doubting and distancing myself from them and fear that I'm just a burden.

Today I worry and over analyze every social situation I am in. I can't walk around campus without thinking every single person I pass is judging me, even though they have no reason to.

I can't order a drink at Starbucks without worrying that I'll get their special sizes messed up and the barista will think I'm dumb. Whenever the professor tells the class to get into groups I start panicking because I don't know anyone and don't want to talk to strangers.

My participation grade in every class is suffering because I'm too afraid to raise my hand because I feel as if every answer I have will be wrong.

At home, whenever I'm in a store and see someone I know or someone I used to go to school with, I'll lower my head and walk right by them to avoid awkward conversation, so don't take it personally.

There are very few things in public I feel secure doing alone, but when out of the public eye, in my room or driving around, I prefer to be by myself.

My anxiety isn't bad enough that I experience panic attacks, but it overwhelms just about every part of my day. The worrying, over analyzing, and all-consuming thoughts that follow me around hold me back from so many opportunities, friendships, and relationships.

If I feel comfortable around you, you'll know because I'll talk, joke, and let you see the best side of me. However, with most people I just don't feel that way, and that's when the fear and uneasiness settle in.

Everyday we're thrown into social situations and interactions with others, and for some it may be easy to just go up and start a conversation with a complete stranger, and those people wonder why it's so hard for others.

It's something I've been trying to work on, getting the nerve to make new friends, to try new things, but the reality is for someone like me it is terrifying. To everyone who asks me what my problem with college is or insists that I just suck it up and stay at school to at least try and live an ordinary college life, I wish it were that easy.

Being and feeling alone is a blessing, and a curse.