Do you ever find yourself at a crossroads, unsure of where to go, what to do, what decision to make? Yeah? Me, too. However, something that I have come to think when I come to these scenarios is WWTGD? What Would The Gang Do? And not just any gang, the "Always Sunny" gang. So I took the time to compile a list of go-to quotes for you for when you’re just not sure what to do.
You’re welcome, Jabronis.
1. Unsure of what to do in the case of a possible riot?
Mac’s answer: “Grain alcohol, baby! Whenever there's a potential riot, I'm getting blasted on grain alcohol.”
2. Not sure how to introduce yourself to that cute guy/girl?
Artemis’ answer: “Name's Artemis. I have a bleached asshole.”
3. Having a bad trip?
Frank can relate: “The acid's makin' me feel like I gotta take a dump.”
4. Someone trying to give you a hard time?
Take a cue from Dennis: “Dude, I swear to God, if you try and give me a noogie, I will yank your underwear over your head so hard your asshole will rip in half.”
5. Thinking about housing that block of cheddar before a certain date?
Listen to Dennis: “Any amount of cheese before a date is too much cheese.”
6. Swallow some apple seeds?
Before you freak out and spend all that money on a doctor, just listen to the sage advice from Mac. “Smoke some cigarettes. The smoke will suffocate the bacteria in your stomach.”
7. Need a life motto?
Frank’s got your back: “Well, I don't know how many years on this Earth I got left. I'm gonna get real weird with it.”
8. Bank account running low and need some groceries?
Be like Sweet Dee and just be honest: “I'm not asking you to do much. Just turn a blind eye while I rob this place stupid.”
9. Not sure what to plug your open wound with?
Mac’s got your back: “Do not plug an open wound with trash.”
10. Parents nagging you about being an unemployed scrub?
Just throw this classic Charlie line at ‘em: “Oh, get a job? Just get a job? Why don't I strap on my job helmet and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire off into job land, where jobs grow on jobbies?!”
11. Someone giving you flack about your weight?
Mac’s got a zinger to throw right back at ‘em: “I'm not fat. I'm cultivating mass.”
12. Need a good exit line?
Sweet Dee’s got one for you: “Later, boners.”
13. Someone asks you who you’re voting for?
Dennis can answer that one for you: “Who am I supposed to vote for? Am I supposed to vote for the Democrat who's gonna blast me in the ass or the Republican who's blasting my ass?”
14. Someone question your eating habits?
They questioned Charlie, too: “I eat stickers all the time, dude!”
15. Feeling insignificant? Don’t want to burden your family anymore?
Just listen to Frank: “I'm not gonna be buried in a grave. When I'm dead, just throw me in the trash.”
16. Someone question your preparedness?
Be like Mac: “See, I've always got an A, B, and C strike plan to get us out of any potentially life-threatening situation.”
17. Someone tell you to stop drinking?
Be like Charlie and shut those haters down: "If I stop drinking now I'll probably die."
18. Someone giving you shit and you’re tired of it?
Just listen to Charlie: “I will SMASH your face into a- into a jelly!”
19. Those people still messing with you?
Sweet Dee has another zinger to throw at ‘em: “I will eat your babies, bitch!”
20. Questioning whether or not to pop that shirt off?
Learn from Dennis’ mistake: “I shoulda popped my shirt off. Goddammit, really shoulda popped that shirt off.”
21. People keep telling you that you’re too predictable?
Pull a Charlie, cut the brakes, and shout: “Wildcard, bitches! Yee-haw!”
22. Someone leaving? Don’t know what to say?
Just shout: “Bon Voyage, Poppins!” – Mac
23. Can't get rid of that Stage-5 clinger?
Just do as Charlie does and: “Salt the Snail!”
24. Have a rough day? Everyone bugging you?
Same with Charlie: “I’m getting blackout drunk and you’re all leaving me alone.”
25. Not sure what to eat?
Frank can help you with that: “RUM HAM! RUM HAM! RUM HAM!”
